tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3143384085944438182024-02-19T02:39:07.301-08:00Science Forking FictionMy blog about... whatever I feel like talking about. Most notably movies, books, food, my life, and of course, science f*&@ing fiction. But not so much food. Sometimes, but mostly that's just for the clever title.Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.comBlogger132125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-29098247267782742432012-06-25T23:35:00.001-07:002012-06-25T23:35:29.414-07:00Name Our Ship! Win Some Stuff!<p>So I've just got some free stuff on Steam that I already have. Time for a contest. First, here are the prizes:<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHtQCNi9zFUZXHNzYi-JE-nPB8CHWjrbVE1yVcFqcDGaylyNfw2zehkymRSfLyrLGbLTqPTwHD_7Hh4AWykoKIbcSLgGEfRTZEZ8eEwlsBi_Ea7OTQn6HHp6VI2UVFakY0mDhhS7njO_4/s1600-h/contest%252520graphic%25255B7%25255D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; margin: 11px 0px 0px 11px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: right; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="Print" border="0" alt="Print" align="right" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-qHgsk6Sb4lY/T-lYLBiS7tI/AAAAAAAADH8/Z-JzBcz8LMU/contest%252520graphic_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="641" height="256" /></a></p> <p><a href="http://store.steampowered.com/app/107310/" target="_blank">Cthulhu Saves the World</a></p> <p>and</p> <p><a href="http://store.steampowered.com/app/107300/" target="_blank">Breath of Death VII: The Beginning</a></p> <p>These are both comedy games that recall the good ol' days of 8-bit and 16-bit RPGs a la <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Final_Fantasy_(video_game)" target="_blank">Final Fantasy</a> or <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dragon_Warrior" target="_blank">Dragon Warrior</a>.</p> <p>Now for the contest.</p> <p> </p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1fTFASZweprNBlHCDHbxENvAcfTtHE8uUt7LH3f_X4pJROlHCymkMNLUl9_7QNbuFz7be-z1cxQiCrYIB9foNuW4VKKYyfi0jl4jogBVpWOI1vGDlDiiHIiFbiTPVZXTwDKsf2ISLRhs/s1600-h/normandy%25255B18%25255D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; margin: 0px 11px 0px 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: left; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="normandy" border="0" alt="normandy" align="left" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgecYHNsiIOZZ7QWLUoAVp36jksIwBhFJkm8Ab7lEgSqTPd1-0LwOuXKRAWICe3SExAZYxAVia0bdJ4fbSOqd_WFV9gv8Cn79pThqzEkNa8uHrES3uHB-IHvq8zH8tb37461QK8kNEPg4g/?imgmax=800" width="431" height="308" /></a>I’m in a gaming group that’s about to embark on a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warhammer_40,000:_Rogue_Trader" target="_blank">Rogue Trader</a> campaign. Rogue Trader is a game in which the players take the roles of officers aboard a city-in-space trading vessel. So we need to name our ship (1.8 km long, crew of 25,000. Image at left. It’s not necessarily that color). Wanna help?</p> <p>Comment on this article with an awesome ship name (or just “a ship name”). Regular ship names (as all Trekkies know) also make great starship names. So if you’ve got a great name for a boat, an airship or a horse, drop it here. I'll pick the two that I like the best and suggest them to the rest of the crew. The two people that submitted the winning names will each get one of the above-mentioned, very inexpensive (but still cool) prizes.</p> <p>And by “drop it here,” I mean comment right here, on this blog that you’re already reading. This is a Google site that lets you sign-in with your Google account, so you don’t need to make a new account or give anyone your phone number. If you don’t have a Google account (seriously? they still make you?), go back to Facebook and comment there. But isn’t it about time you got a Google account?</p> <p>Just so everything is on the up-and-up, you must know that you cannot actually use said prize unless you have a <a href="http://store.steampowered.com/about/" target="_blank">Steam</a> account. I'm positive (unless they changed it last week) that you can receive a gift from another Steam user without having bought anything, so maybe this will be the thing that finally convinces you to get an account.</p> <p>I reserve the right to choose just one name that I think is clearly the best, but I'll only do that if there are less than five entries. I'm giving this until Thursday night. 00:01:01 Friday morning is the cut-off.</p> <p>If you succeed in actually naming our ship (I choose your name, suggest it to the crew, and they decide to name the ship that), I will buy you a (some number)-pack of non-cheap, manly <a title="beer, beer, beer" href="http://youtu.be/lDb7Kg11FbA" target="_blank">beer</a>. If you’re not old enough to legally receive a gift of beer… we’ll work something else out. If you live far enough away from me that a gift of beer would be more hassle than it’s worth, some solution will happen whereby you shall still receive beer.</p> <p>So post some names, and if there’s one game that you’d prefer over the other, post that too. No promises. If you don’t care for the games, but you’d like to suggest a name anyway, that’s perfectly okay also.</p> <p>PS I've also still got a copy of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dota_2" target="_blank">DOTA 2</a> (also on Steam) kicking around from when I "bought" DOTA 2. So if anyone would rather have that instead of the above games, I'm cool with it. But there will still only be two winners. If someone wants DOTA 2 instead, the other winner will get both of the other games.</p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-82780142545377203562012-06-22T01:20:00.001-07:002012-06-22T01:20:48.775-07:00Bullying<p>Can we talk about bullying? Let’s talk about bullying. <br /> <br />Did you ever get called names or shoved in a locker or beaten up on the playground or called a fag or called stupid or just good old-fashioned got teased about your physical self when you were a kid? I did. Are you better or worse off today because that happened? I'm better.</p> <p>Will I teach my kid not to be mean to others and not to shove people? Of course. Will I jump in and bail him out when it happens to him? Absolutely not. Bullies in childhood teach people to overcome bullies in adulthood. In adulthood, there’s no daddy to come save you. And there will always be bullies in adulthood.</p> <p>So you can have people reach adulthood knowing how to handle a bully (both emotionally and socially), or... ya know. Not.</p> <p>Having said that, there's bullying and there's bullying. If my kid’s getting the shit kicked out of him on a daily basis, I don’t really have an ear for why. It needs to stop. If he’s getting teased and picked on and (physically) pushed around a little, he needs to learn how to stand up for himself.</p> <p>Let's say there's this kid (we'll call him Jon) who's mom died giving birth to him and he doesn't know her name or who she was. He lives with his dad (let's say he's the governor of... I dunno... Ohio) and his step-mom hates him and treats him like shit. Doesn't beat him or anything; just doesn't show him any of the affection that she gives her own children and makes it known that she resents having him in her house. Everybody at school knows this about him and throws it in his face every chance they get.</p> <p>This is a shit sandwich. This kid has some choices. He can let them beat him down. He can allow himself to believe that he's worthless and punch somebody in the face every time they tease him about his family life. Or he could curl up in a psychological ball and never come out. Or he can be a bastard. He can wear it like armor and own it.</p> <p>Now let's say that none of that is true except for the core facts. The kid never knew his real mom and lives with his father and his step-mom. She loves him like her own and would give her life for his any day of the week. No one at school ever teases him about being adopted and he has lots of friends. The lesson he's going to learn is that people are basically kind-hearted and don't want to hurt his feelings. So when he grows up and discovers the world isn't that way, he'll have to learn as a man all the things he should have learned as a child.</p> <p>If you think that's no big deal, I challenge you to try it. Go change something about yourself. Intentionally and drastically alter your own worldview as an adult. Go stand up to a bully like you never did as a child. Good luck with that. I HAD bullies in school and it took me until I was twenty-five to figure my own special brand of dealing with them (but I have a legitimate learning disability). Children are designed to learn and adapt to new and changing circumstances. Adults are notoriously not good at that.</p> <p>So go ahead and make bullying illegal, so that every time a little boy playfully puts ink or glue in a little girl's hair he gets expelled from school for bullying. I guarantee that's what will happen. You will also catch the actual bullies, and that (I feel) is also a tragedy.</p> <p>You'll have an entire generation of pussies who are completely incapable of standing up for themselves. Then you'll have a second generation of them because the first generation won't have the experience to teach their children. And that will be that. Bullies will run the world because no one else will have any balls.</p> <p>In my opinion, it is imperative that you discipline one kid for punching another kid in the face. It is equally crucial that both of them learn their lesson in a constructive way. The lesson should not be "whenever you have a problem with someone, find someone who outranks you to settle it." That's what anti-bullying legislation teaches.</p> <p>If you feel like someone has wronged you, don't try to talk to them about it, don't find a clever way to stick it to them, and for the love of God don't<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOcWm671u8-wL2bgUMjHuUl7McMatizhHNhI7yc78XMG3k43JhjhGFBij898HY_0v-9SmugPuHXrKGJALFXAh5JwOLJETDjfUOKOybmdFBsSfLhri9Itu5GtPkV19JwhOS1WocoKebAJg/s1600-h/bullying%25255B3%25255D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: right; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="bullying" border="0" alt="bullying" align="right" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHY3vP-lKbv5H6FPjIz4gan6d-UC0qOK6HvhAuA5JmO5yeI8joCJT8eEsZujLFdT1dW8YgD8Ccfwu7_ZC8G3F3Y2TTQUIlMLb1hq-Px-KS_wDjQQ9JLd0g9pZC6eSNERuk5415bXuA7YQ/?imgmax=800" width="275" height="296" /></a> frankly and honestly express to them your discontent. Call the police and they'll decide what should be done. That's the penultimate lesson of anti-bullying legislation.</p> <p>"Bullying" is such a non-definitive word that you can make an argument for any disagreeable act being labelled "bullying." All the things listed in this "graphic" I found on Facebook: part of growing up. Everybody goes through it. You learn to deal with it or you kill yourself. Almost all of us are strong enough to survive that particular rite of passage. <br /> <br />We need for the government to stop babying people. Should you wear a seatbelt? Yes. Should it be required by law? No. If you’re too dumb to wear a seatbelt, you’re too dumb to live. Should you smoke cigarettes?  Should you shoot heroine?  Should you put a steak knife in your butthole?  Should you eat at McDonald’s? We all know you should never do any of those things: they’re bad for ya! You also shouldn’t swim for at least a half-hour after you eat. But let’s not make all that stuff illegal, okay? It’s unnecessary, and it dilutes the gene pool with people who should have been allowed to stupid themselves to death. To quote George Carlin: “The kid who swallows too many marbles doesn’t grow up to have kids of his own.”</p> <p>If you want to pass legislation that mandates strict, no-nonsense penalties for underage perpetrators of violent crimes, I'm okay with it. On second thought, no I'm really not. When I was in grade school, I got in fights. I threw rocks at people. I got “punished.” I stopped doing it. If this anti-bullying horseshit had been going on when I was a kid, I’d be in prison right now. Kids need to be allowed to make mistakes with only perceived consequences. It's how they learn without fucking things up for them down the road. Anti-bullying legislation means there will be real consequences for kids who just need to be taught a lesson. You can't expel a kid for bullying somebody. That's what kids do. They behave like children: like there are no consequences for their actions and they can treat people however they want. AND THERE NEEDS TO BE NO LASTING CONSEQUENCES FOR THAT BEHAVIOR.</p> <p>By expelling (or in extreme cases, prosecuting) a kid for bullying, you’re teaching him that he has to always follow every rule and never, ever, ever put one toe out of line or his life is over. He'll either take that to heart, still be expelled, and resent you and the system for a good long time, or he'll not take it to heart, continue being an asshole, resent the system forever, and never be a productive member of society.</p> <p>You'll be teaching the "victim" that whenever anyone does something that hurts his widdle feelings, he should run and tell someone in authority and the person that said that mean thing to him will just go away. That's real healthy.</p> <p>I've been bullied as a child and I've been bullied as an adult. I would not be the man that I am today if either of those things was not true. I would be a whiny, entitled mama's boy with a lot (I mean really a lot) of not-very-close friends, a room all to my self at my parents' house and no son to carry on the family tradition of being awesome. I’d also be a Republican, which is weird but nonetheless true. <br /> <br />If Bill Gates hadn’t gotten shoved in a locker every day in high school, he’d be a software engineer at Apple. I’ve been saying that for a long time, and I really hope somebody doesn’t somehow discover that Bill Gates was home-schooled or something. lol. <br /> <br />The bottom line is: nobody benefits from severely punishing bullies. The bully learns nothing, the bullied learns to be taken care of, and society gets polarized into whiny little pussies and serial bully assholes.</p> <p>So let’s go to the phones. I know somebody has something to say about this.</p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-77846783583945426722012-06-13T22:12:00.001-07:002012-06-13T22:13:04.656-07:00Ten Ways to Get the Right Guy to Like You<p>*sigh*</p> <p>So a couple of my friends from STCC shared this on Facebook, so of course I had to watch it. I don’t know why (before you ask); I just had to.</p> <p>Apparently, I've been waiting for this video all week, because I just went on a huge rant here. I don't mean to be disparaging or to lecture (but I’m going to), but this kid is waaaaay too young to have any idea what he's talking about. Some good advice here, but... Well on with the show. Watch this. And try not to puke, because as dumb and brainwashed as this kid is, he does make a couple good points, some of them accidental. Don’t worry; we’ll be going over all of them after the break.</p> <p><iframe height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/iqF_PtugyBk" frameborder="0" width="560" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></p> <p> </p> <p>#10. I agree with what he says, but not what he makes it mean. Yes, wait for the right guy. But how do you know he's the right guy? You date him. I agree with "don't date every guy that comes along," but you don't buy a car because it's the right color. You do your research and figure out which one's right for you, then you wait for it to go on sale. Do your research. If you call that "dating," then date some guys you think are interesting. If you call it "hanging out with a guy to get to know him better," then do that.</p> <p>I just have to say one more thing about #10. You don't need a man. You don't. If you think you do, you don't know yourself well enough. Here's what I tell any teenager and twenty-something who will listen: if you think you need a man (or a woman, if you're a guy) to make you complete, you're not emotionally mature enough to have one.</p> <p>#9: Yup. I would take this one step further. Know yourself. If you're < 25, you don't know yourself. Maybe you know who you are today, but you don't know who you're going to be when you're forty.</p> <p>So let's say you meet some guy (who's 22, just like you). You're both into the same kind of music, you both like the same kind of food, you both like shopping at the mall and you both hate Barack Obama. You date for a while and get really involved in each other's lives. So now you're 24 and you're getting married. Cool. You're young, dumb and in love, so you get married.</p> <p>Fast forward six years. Now you're thirty, you've got a three-year-old kid, and you don't understand why you don't get along with your husband anymore. It's because when you were 22, you didn't know who you were going to be yet, and he didn't know who he was going to be either. But you both decided that you liked who the other person was right then, so you did something stupid. Over time, you both changed into something that the other person didn't like very much. Now you're stuck in a loveless marriage, and worse, so is your three-year-old.</p> <p>And yeah, your self-esteem shouldn't be defined by anyone but you. Don't let anyone else define what makes you love yourself. Whether that means being with a guy who literally tells you you're worthless, or building your entire existence around your sweetheart. Be who you want to be, then find somebody who wants that. In that order.</p> <p>#8: Umm. Okay. I agree that you should generally be nice to everybody, but I don't see what it has to do with this topic.</p> <p>I do have to take exception to #7. Don't learn about "things guys like." Seriously, the next time somebody tries to tell me how different men and women are, I'm going to punch a baby (not mine). Men and women aren't different. PEOPLE are different. Everyone is different. I know plenty of (straight) guys who like Twilight, and plenty of (straight) girls who play World of Warcraft because THEY like it. My mother-in-law has gotten me hooked on more sci-fi shows than I've gotten her on. It's like a competition. And she didn't start loving Star Trek to get any guy to notice her.</p> <p>But there is a certain amount of sitting through "Gilmore Girls" or being forced to watch March Madness in any healthy relationship (no lie; I love Gilmore Girls. My glasses got a little foggy when Rori decided not to go to Harvard. And Kerry goes ballistic if she misses a playoff game). We do these things because sometimes it's important to spend an hour doing something you don't like because someone you love wants you to. Ever take your grandmother underwear shopping? I have. That’s a story for later, but it just further illustrates my point.</p> <p>If there's something that your significant other is into, try it. Maybe you'll enjoy it too and that will be one more thing you can do together. But don't go bowling three times a week if you don't like bowling. You're doing it just to impress him. If that makes him feel special, you're robbing the cradle and that's not cool.</p> <p>I will make this admission: there's nothing more intriguing than a girl who is into whatever I'm into. In high school, that meant music and sci-fi. Now it's Ryan Reynolds and photography. If there's something that you like to do that's "not girly," let a guy see you doing it and he'll want to know more about you.</p> <p>Here's another insight into how guys think: any girl who can admit that another girl is attractive is instantly awesome. Seriously. This works on me, and I'm married with no interest in other women.</p> <p>So I'm watching "Kill Bill" with a bunch of my friends. One of my bros says "Damn. That Uma Thurman is one fine-lookin' woman." Okay. That's something a dude says. Then my sister (my literal sister) says "yeah she is. Especially in that yellow motorcycle outfit." No kidding, every head in the room turned. It doesn't make you a lesbian to acknowledge when another woman is attractive. But in every guy's head, it means you might be into that. And any guy that says that isn't at the very least intriguing is a bald-faced liar. And I mean ANY guy. If your Great Uncle Charlie says it, he's lying to you. If your gay best friend says it, he's lying too.</p> <p>#6: To start with: "I don't know what I would do without you" is pretty much the single best way to get any guy worried that you're taking this relationship a lot more seriously than he is. I don't know about other guys (in this specific instance), but I have a very detailed plan of exactly what I would do without Kerry, and we've been together for over ten years. If you've been with a guy for a year or 18 months, you can say things like that, and you should. If that scares him, he's too immature to handle an adult relationship. But if you're talking about a guy you've just started dating or don't know very well, this is one of the two best ways to get rid of him fast. <br /> <br />On to the actual point: "make him feel needed." Yeah, okay. I guess. I've just watched this bit five or six times and I'm honestly not sure how I feel about it. But lemme tell you how I feel about it. You don't need him. Making him believe you do is a lie. I'm against lying in general. But hold on. It's true: everyone wants to feel needed and useful, and if you "need" him and he wants no part of it, he's obviously not the right guy for you.</p> <p>If Kerry hands me a jar and says "open this for me," I give her a look and I say "no." I do that because I watched her take it from the cabinet and hand it directly to me. She didn't try to open it herself and she's just relying on me to do things for her that she could probably do very well herself. And that's not healthy.</p> <p>On the other hand, if you tell a guy "I need to talk to you about something important," and he gets all uncomfortable and doesn't want to, is that the kind of guy you want to marry? Strictly speaking, that's not the topic for today, but do you really want to date someone you know you don't want to marry? Just sayin'.</p> <p>So I guess I feel two different ways about this one. On the one hand, don't act needy and helpless, because you're not. On the other hand, if you do act that way, the way he reacts to it will tell you a lot about him and your relationship.</p> <p>And I wouldn't be me if I didn't rant a bit about #5. "Chivalry," as he calls it, is a lie and a con game. I open doors for everyone, and I stand up when ANYBODY enters the room, because I'm not an asshole and I'm not trying to get into anyone's pants (at this point in my life).</p> <p>If a guy opens the door for you, he's doing it to impress you and it's not really part of who he is. Don't encourage that sort of nonsense. If he opens the door for the old Korean man who's pushing on a "pull" door because he can't read the sign, he's doing it because he's a genuinely nice guy, and not just to impress you. If he pulls the car over in the rain to help a guy in a tux change a flat, he’s (probably) not doing it to impress you. He’s doing it because he’s an exceptionally nice guy (I probably wouldn’t pull over for that). Any guy who does something just to impress you isn't after your respect, your friendship, your well-being or any relationship that doesn't end twenty minutes (meh) after he gets your clothes off.</p> <p>Having said that, that's what most guys think of girls who do things that are obviously designed solely to impress us. For example: playing Call of Duty. If you like CoD, play it. But if guys see you doing it, most of them are going to think you're doing it to impress them. About half of them will think it's cool and want to get to know you better. About a third of them will think you're a slut and try to take advantage of you. The remaining sixth of guys will think you're a slut and want nothing to do with you.</p> <p>Trust me on this stuff: I'm a dude. I hang out with other "Christian" dudes and I know how we think.</p> <p>I cannot argue with #4. Do I like seeing a naked female? Yes. Is it difficult to have a conversation with one? Absolutely. Dress however you want, but don't get pissy when people stare at whatever you're advertising and don’t really want to talk to you.</p> <p>It's possible to be attractive without dressing like a whore (I would argue that dressing like a whore is seldom attractive). You know that song: "Every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man." While I'm sure that's not literally true (some girls aren't), it mostly is. And it's no less true in the other direction. A well-dressed woman is an attractive woman. Don't believe me? Go check out the photo gallery on the second floor of Building 15 at STCC. Bring a dude. Ever heard a man say he loves a woman in uniform? It doesn't get more formal than that.</p> <p>#3: Ah yes. The obligatory Christian anti-Hollywood propaganda that has nothing to do with the topic at hand. Okay, I'll bite, even though it is completely off-topic.</p> <p>Hollywood does not insist that you act as eye candy. Check out <a title="Highest-grossing films, adjusted for inflation" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_highest-grossing_films#Highest-grossing_films_adjusted_for_inflation" target="_blank">this list</a>. How many of those movies make you feel like women are being objectified? My answer: 3 out of 10. Gone With the Wind, Titanic and Snow White.</p> <p>If you'd rather look at the top ten on <a title="Highest-grossing films, not adjusted for inflation" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_highest-grossing_films#Highest-grossing_films" target="_blank">this list</a>, which is weighted very heavily towards more recent films, I'd say 4 out of 10. Titanic, Transformers, Pirates and Pirates. And the Pirate movies don't REALLY objectify women (even though they’re Disney, which is unusual for them), but I could understand an argument being made.</p> <p>So if we're quite finished with THOSE shenanigans, on to #2.</p> <p>#2: Can't be overstated. But it's not about "moving too fast." Move as fast as you're comfortable with. It's about not doing something you're uncomfortable with just to get a guy to like you. Like I said before, guys aren't stupid. We know when you're doing something just to impress us and we know when you're giving us what we want just because you want us to like you. When a girl does that, we treat her like she's the kind of girl who will do anything for attention. Because she is.</p> <p>Honestly, you can skip this whole video and just go right to #1. If you act like you think someone wants you to act, they're going to like you right away. But once they get to know you, they <strike>might not</strike> definitely won’t like you very much any more. I know plenty of people who have gotten stuck in relationships and even marriages that were horrible because they pretended to be someone they're not just to get somebody to like them. It works. People will like you if you behave like they want you to behave. But if that's not who you really are, you're only hurting yourself.</p> <p>There's a reason half of all Christian marriages end in divorce. It's because Christians tend to latch on to the first other Christian that comes along and consider themselves lucky that they "caught a good one," as if any Christian man and woman, when mashed together, are perfectly capable of having a healthy marriage. God will just make it work.</p> <p>Again, I don't talk about things I don't know about (without telling you that I don't know what I'm talking about). I spent four years of my life at a Christian high school, and the attitude there was "go to college to get an education. Go to a Christian college to get married." I've spent almost all of my life as part of a church family, and every day (not literally every single day) I saw young people getting married for the wrong reasons.</p> <p>To finish up: Oh my God I can't believe he really said it. Let me be clear: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS "HAPPILY EVER AFTER." Even if there was, you wouldn't want it. "Happily ever after" is boring. It's antiques roadshow boring. It's mowing the lawn boring. It's Gone With the Wind boring. If you find a guy who's perfect for you, and you're perfect for him, and you fall madly in love and get married and just make each other perfectly happy every single day for the rest of your lives, you're are the most annoying couple on the block. You're the people everybody tries to avoid at the neighborhood BBQ, because you're just so fake. That just doesn't happen. If anyone reading this right now thinks their marriage is that perfect, they're not going to be married for very much longer. Any person who doesn't piss you off once in a while is a person you don't care about in the least.</p> <p>Know what else isn't real? Prince Charming. Go watch Cinderella. Right now. I'll wait here.</p> <p>Welcome back. Let me tell you the story of Cinderella and Prince Charming. They'll be blissfully happy for... a month. And that's being generous. But as soon as she realizes that he leaves the lid up, and he realizes that she doesn't wear ball gowns and glass slippers all the time, and that they got married without knowing a single thing about each other, the shit is going to hit the fan. In this particular case, not such a bad deal for either of them. They're royalty. They only have to pretend to be madly in love for the sake of the realm. Behind castle walls, they can do whatever (and whomever) they want.</p> <p>But you're not royalty and neither is your "prince charming." You don't get to only see each other on formal occasions and then go to bed with stable boys and scullery maids. You get to make each other miserable for the rest of your lives, or you get divorced. And don't get me wrong. Divorce is an excellent idea in this case. But I've never heard of a divorce that anyone walked away from happy.</p> <p>If you go looking for a husband, you'll find one. If you don't go looking for a husband, you'll find THE one. Become who you want to be, and someone who wants someone like that will fall into your lap. Hopefully literally, because that would probably be a great story.</p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-12896800339898497672011-09-23T17:41:00.001-07:002011-09-23T17:41:46.670-07:00OneMillionMoms<p>So something interesting happened just now. I read an article about <a title="twomillionboobs.com" href="http://www.onemillionmoms.com" target="_blank">onemillionmoms.com</a>. It's a website devoted to OneMillionMoms, a "Christian" organization that sends e-mails to big companies that support things they think are bad. For example: Ben & Jerry's new "Schweddy Balls" ice cream flavor.</p> <p>So I joined their club. I signed up for their newsletter and looked at their homepage to see what they're bitching about this week. turns out, they're bitching about Dancing With the Stars. Apparently, they're upset that the show took a couple minutes to explain the fact of Chaz Bono's transgender status, and exactly what that means. There's a link at the bottom of the page to e-mail the show's advertisers and express your discontent.</p> <p>So I clicked it. Here's the standard e-mail that was pre-written so I could just enter my info and click "send":</p> <blockquote> <p>As a mom and a member of OneMillionMoms.com, I am deeply disappointed that you are supporting the inappropriate, politically correct program "Dancing with the Stars" which airs Monday and Tuesday nights on ABC at 8:00 p.m/7:00 Central.</p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>This show is extremely descriptive in its transgender discussions and its casual approach to homosexuality when children are likely watching.</p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>The overtly-sexualized show is offensive in how it portrays this lifestyle as glamorous and in a positive light, when in fact it is damaging to impressionable young men and women.</p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>You have choices about what you support, just as I have choices about where to spend my hard-earned money.</p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>As a consumer, I am asking you to stop your company's advertising support of this show. My decision to support your company depends on it. </p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>I look forward to hearing from you regarding my concern.</p> </blockquote> <p> <br />I thought it was nice of them to have something all ready to go, but you know me. I can’t let somebody else write copy for me. So here's the e-mail I sent:</p> <blockquote> <p>As a soon-to-be father and a member of the church of the flying spaghetti monster, I will be deeply disappointed if you give in to the inappropriate, hateful demands of "OneMillionMoms," in regards to their petty outrage over the recent premiere of Dancing With the Stars.</p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>They are essentially a terrorist organization, and want to control the way America thinks and prays by forcing Christianity on all of us.</p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>This overtly religious group is offensive in that they portray something as innocuous as the transgender culture as sinful and damaging, when in fact it is completely harmless (except to their religious powerbase).</p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>You have choices about what you support, just as I have choices about where to spend my hard-earned money.</p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>As a consumer, I am asking you to pay no heed to the outcries made by this ridiculous group of uber-cons, though my decision to support your company will continue to be based solely on my own perception of the quality of your goods and/or services. </p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>I look forward to hearing from you regarding my concern.</p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>Sincerely,</p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>Andrew Bowman</p> </blockquote> <p> <br />I thought it clever of me to use the resources of this terrorist organization in such a manner, and will continue to do so every week when they post a new "thing we've got our bras twisted about this week."</p> <p>But that's not the interesting bit. The interesting bit is that I got a RESPONSE. Not from OneMillionMoms, but from Kohl's, one of the companies who's executives I supposedly e-mailed. Here's what the response said:</p> <blockquote> <p> <br />Dear Customer,</p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>Thank you for contacting us!</p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>We have received your inquiry and are assigning it to a representative. You can expect to receive a response from us within one business day.</p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>To help track your inquiry we have generated a reference number. Your ticket code is LTK5810322542X. Please use this code in any further communication.</p> </blockquote> <p>I don't know what "executive" OneMillionMoms thinks they're e-mailing over at Kohl’s, but I'm pretty damn sure he doesn’t work in the customer support department. I'm not sure if OneMillionMoms are idiots or a front setup by said advertisers to stem the tide of e-mails from pissed off conservatives (which would be f*$@ing brilliant, by the way). Or if said advertisers have simply dealt with this so often that they now automagically redirect executive e-mail accounts to CSRs for triage.</p> <p>Now that I know for sure that they don’t screen the e-mails people send from their website, I can do all kinds of crazy-ass stuff. In addition to sending encouraging messages to the people that they’re protesting, I could send… I dunno. Porn? would that be funny? Sending porn through the Customer Support system of several big companies in the name of OneMillionMoms.com? I’d have to create a dummy e-mail of course. Hmm… Anybody got any ideas?</p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-51631313699530253852011-07-05T17:36:00.001-07:002011-07-05T17:42:33.353-07:00Things I want my children to learn from watching South Park<p>I love South Park. I watch it all the time. It’s one of the two things (the other is Star Trek) that I miss by not having cable. I don’t remember the circumstances, but my mom recently told me she hates South Park. I think that’s sad. Furthermore, I think it’s because she thinks it’s about the outlandish antics of four nine-year-old boys from Colorado. It is. But only insomuch as Star Trek is about the outlandish misadventures of a prickish spaceship captain and his two best friends. That is ostensibly the one-sentence plot of the show. But Star Trek is really about tolerance, equality, doing the right thing even when it’s against the rules, and turning to thievery and brigandhood whenever things don’t go your way.</p> <p>So it is with South Park. It’s incredibly cliché to say, but South Park is about America. It’s about all the things that make America great, and all the things that make Americans retarded. Seriously, if you’re bored one night and want some intellectual stimulation in humorous form, load up your Netflix instant queue and watch a couple episodes of South Park. Not the first one. If you don’t like it, you don’t get it.</p> <p>So when my kids are… I dunno, in third grade, I’m going to let them watch South Park. They won’t get it, but they’ll love it. When they’re older, they’ll start to understand it, the same way I’ve come to understand Star Trek and advanced math now that I’m actually old enough for them. And here’s the (short) list of things I hope they learn from it:</p> <p>Jesse Jackson is NOT the emperor of black people (no matter what your dad says). There is no one individual to whom you can apologize for saying “nigger” on Wheel of Fortune to make everything okay.</p> <p>Cancer is a disease. Addiction is a choice. Pity the addict all you want, but understand that he chose to be where he is. You don’t just happen to become addicted to something just by minding your own business. You become addicted to something by intentionally doing it far more often than you should. Your only disease is chronic stupidity.</p> <p>Sometimes you need to risk physical injury to take a stand for what's right. When you do (or don’t do) something because someone threatened to hurt you if you don’t (or do), you’re worse than they are. They’re bad. No doubt. But you’re just enabling them and sending the message that that kind of shit will work. You give Americans a bad name and you’re the reason the rest of the White world hates us.</p> <p>Watching the Food Network all day doesn't make you qualified to do anything except talk about how badly Bobby Flay needs a new haircut. It doesn’t make you a gourmet chef. It doesn’t make you a food critic. it means you know what food looks like that somebody else thinks is good (or bad).</p> <p>Sometimes it's more important to live your life than to photograph it.</p> <p>Putting someone else's wiener in your mouth absolutely makes you gay. Putting your wiener in someone else’s mouth makes you equally gay.</p> <p>When Kyle's mom gets a bug up her ass about something, get out of the way or you'll only make things worse. Fighting her will only strengthen her resolve. Just pretend to give her what she wants to shut her up.</p> <p>Jesus was a cool guy. It's his modern-day followers who are assholes.</p> <p>Don't ever do anything just because "it's the way things are done." Don’t ever do something just because everybody else is doing it. If all your friends start doing crack, it’s time to find some new friends. That really sucks, but life’s a bitch sometimes.</p> <p>Sometimes it's good to apologize, even if you think you didn't do anything wrong. Even if you know you’re right and the other person is wrong, sometimes it’s worth saying you’re wrong just to smooth things over (sometimes).</p> <p>When a man undergoes gender transformation surgery, he doesn't become a woman. He becomes a man who looks like a woman. A man who undergoes species transformation surgery isn’t a dolphin. He’s a man who mildly resembles a dolphin. You’re born a man or you’re born a woman. If you don’t like it: tough shit.</p> <p>Americans have big penis. Much bigger than Japanese penis.</p> <p>Being gay isn't a choice. If you think it is, try it. What’s your favorite color? Mine’s green. I don’t want it to be green. I want it to be purple. But when I’m asked to choose the color something’s going to be, I generally want it to be green. I also like having sex with women. It doesn’t matter how much I might want to like having sex with other men: I won’t like it.</p> <p>It's not okay to say "nigger" outside of academic debate. If there are no black people around, it’s probably okay. But you better make damn sure. Because Daddy’s not going to save you when you get in trouble for it.</p> <p>Sexual education is a thing they do at school because most parents are woefully unqualified.</p> <p>Gingers aren't real people, by reason of the lack of a soul. In the hierarchy of living things, gingers are on the somewhere between intelligent animals (gorillas, dogs, dolphins, etc) and other Human Beings. Don't mis-understand: They're Humans, just not people.</p> <p>Sexism and racism are wrong in any form. It's not okay to say it's bad for a man to sexually harass a woman, but perfectly acceptable for a woman to likewise harass a man. Either it's okay or it's not (and that depends on your definition of harassment). It’s not okay that there are clubs explicitly only for black people, but if white folks have such a club, it’s (literally) a federal matter. That’s not okay. You can’t fight fire with fire, and you can’t fix racism with more racism.</p> <p>English is a living language. It evolves and grows as society changes. Look up the etymology and history of "fag." Really look it up though. Don't just assume you already know what I'm talking about.</p> <p>Hippies are a blight on our country even today. We must all take responsibility for ending the threat they pose to our capitalist way of life.</p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-7289024137219105052011-07-04T18:55:00.001-07:002011-07-04T18:59:26.589-07:00Remembering Star Wars Galaxies<div style="margin: 1em; width: 273px; display: block; float: right" class="zemanta-img"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Star_Wars_Galaxies_Box_Art.jpg"><img style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; display: block; border-top: medium none; border-right: medium none" alt="Star Wars Galaxies box art." src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a2/Star_Wars_Galaxies_Box_Art.jpg" width="263" height="375" /></a> <p style="font-size: 0.8em" class="zemanta-img-attribution">Image via <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Star_Wars_Galaxies_Box_Art.jpg">Wikipedia</a></p> </div> <p>There are two things I always remember on July 4th every year. First is my great-grandfather. We always have fireworks on the 4th for his birthday. The second thing is the fireworks at the <a class="zem_slink" title="List of Star Wars cities and towns" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Star_Wars_cities_and_towns" rel="wikipedia">Theed</a> spaceport on Naboo.</p> <p>On the 4th of July, every hour on the hour, we used to get together at every spaceport in the game and shoot of fireworks. It was a great event. Low-level crafters got some xp by making fireworks, and made a little money selling them. It was a great community event and I’m both sad and happy that this will be the last time it will ever happen.</p> <p>I’m sad because it’s something that I used to do with all my friends and it’s over now. I’m happy because the abomination that has been called <a class="zem_slink" title="Star Wars Galaxies" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars_Galaxies" rel="wikipedia">Star Wars Galaxies</a> for the past few years since SOE wrecked the game I loved is finally getting the axe.</p> <p>In the aftermath of the huge security scandal when the Playstation Network (and every other network operated by <a class="zem_slink" title="Sony Online Entertainment" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sony_Online_Entertainment" rel="wikipedia">Sony Online Entertainment</a>) was hacked and user data stolen, Sony has finally decided that SWG just isn’t worth the money to keep the game’s servers running. Right when I was about to give it a second chance. Oh well. I’m sure I’m better off not ever trusting Sony with my credit card information.</p> <p>Oh well. Back to dreaming of the day when SWG emu will finally be released and I can play good ol’ Galaxies again. For free. Without the fear that anyone will break it again.</p> <div style="margin-top: 10px; height: 15px" class="zemanta-pixie"><a class="zemanta-pixie-a" title="Enhanced by Zemanta" href="http://www.zemanta.com/"><img style="border-bottom-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; float: right; border-left-style: none" class="zemanta-pixie-img" alt="Enhanced by Zemanta" src="http://img.zemanta.com/zemified_e.png?x-id=970d0898-e7e1-4f1e-a5ec-08c6b5691070" /></a></div> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-90439855593747033992011-06-10T18:47:00.001-07:002011-06-10T18:47:03.050-07:00Windows Live Writer<p>Don’t use it. It sucks. Hard. I just wrote up a big long blog entry, then the thing just quit on me. Didn’t save my document first; just quit. Gave me a friendly little message saying “Hi! Fuck you! I quit! Okay?! Bye!” Piece of shit. This is not the first time this has happened. Don’t use Windows Live Writer. I’m just so pissed off right now I can barely spell.</p> <p>Anybody know of an alternative? I need a Windows application that will publish to my blog. I need it to process html and java so I can put embedded objects (like YouTube videos) in my blog posts. It would be nice if it could put metatags on my posts as well, which Live Writer has never been able to do.</p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-91268843787195752432011-05-24T12:02:00.001-07:002011-05-24T12:02:14.589-07:00Movie Time<div style="margin: 1em; width: 308px; display: block; float: right" class="zemanta-img"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Kick-Ass_film_poster.jpg"><img style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; display: block; border-top: medium none; border-right: medium none" alt="Kick-Ass (film)" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/30/Kick-Ass_film_poster.jpg" width="298" height="442" /></a> <p style="font-size: 0.8em" class="zemanta-img-attribution">Image via <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Kick-Ass_film_poster.jpg">Wikipedia</a></p> </div> <p>So yesterday Kerry and I watched movies on Netflix all day. Two of them were The Sorcerer’s Apprentice and Kick-Ass. Both pretty awesome; both featuring Nicolas Cage. I’ll start with Kick-Ass.</p> <p>Part Daredevil, part Superbad. Kick-Ass is a “superhero” who doesn’t actually have any super powers. I won’t spoil the movie for you, but he’s just barely super-human. Not because of any gamma radiation or mutated animal encounter.</p> <p>But before I really get into it, here’s the first thing: I don’t care what anybody tells you. This movie is NOT FOR KIDS. If you’re not old enough for high school, you’re not old enough for Kick-Ass. If you’re not old enough to buy beer, you’re not old enough to watch Kick-Ass without your mommy. This is a grown-up film for grown-up Humans. Not surprising, since the graphic novel it’s based on is similarly targeted. Mark Millar doesn’t write comic books for kids, and movies based on his work are likewise rated for big boys only. If you wouldn’t let your 9-year-old watch Wanted or 300, you shouldn’t let him watch Kick-Ass. Just because this movie is largely about an 11-year-old girl doesn’t mean 11-year-old girls should watch it.</p> <p>At any rate, Kick-Ass chronicles the adventures of a high school kid who doesn’t understand why there aren’t real superheroes. Scratch that. He understands why there aren’t real superheroes. He doesn’t understand why there aren’t more people who try to be superheroes. Batman, after all, is a totally plausible story. No super powers; just insanely rich with a highly developed sense of justice. Ditto Punisher. Along for the ride are the team of eleven-year-old “Hit Girl” and ex-cop “Big Daddy.”</p> <p>As with anything written by Mark Millar, the story seems to derive directly from common childhood fantasies, tempered with an adult sense of how the world really works. There’s no real Batman largely because nobody with enough money to be Batman gives a shit about the crime in New York City. Expert martial artists (who don’t have Batman money) don’t dress up in costumes and fight crime because they can make a lot more money as hollywood stunt men. Or because they’re afraid of guns. But wouldn’t the world be a more interesting place if people like that did that sort of thing? Not all of them; just one or two here and there. I mean: wouldn’t a lot of petty criminals give at least a second thought if there was a real Batman?</p> <p>That seems to be the rationale behind Kick-Ass. Also like other things written by Mark Millar, people die in Kick-Ass. And they don’t get shot ambiguously just off-camera. They get stabbed, sliced in half, blowed up in a microwave and thrown off buildings. Oh yeah. And they get shot.</p> <p>The one detrimental thing I would say about Kick-Ass is that it’s too much about the hero and not enough about the alter-ego. Spiderman was great because it wasn’t really about Spiderman. It was about Peter Parker. Kick-Ass is a movie about high school nerds who never get shoved in their lockers, pantsed in gym class or thrown in a dumpster by the football team. They talk about “we’re such nerds and the cool kids always pick on us.” But there’s precious little footage of anyone actually getting picked on.</p> <p>Here’s an analogy: What if Harry Potter just happened to take place at Hogwart’s, and you never heard about any of the actual school things that happened at the school? Would it still be a good story? Sure. But it wouldn’t be as good. One of the large factors that made Harry Potter great was its new twist on an old story. It’s the same basic story as Ender’s Game, Horatio Hornblower, Glee or Dune (say “Star Wars” and I will kick your ass. But yes, that fits too). It’s the same old “growing up different” story in a fantastic setting.</p> <p>I feel like Kick-Ass is a growing up story where nobody actually does any of the usual kinds of growing up. Don’t get me wrong: all the characters learn things, and by the end of the story they’ve all grown. But we don’t follow anybody from childhood to adulthood. Nobody graduates into a new, profound understanding of humanity; nobody has a seminal moment of “so THAT’S how the world works.” It almost feels like an introduction to the beginning of a growing up story.</p> <p>I guess that’s not really a negative; just something that struck me as odd about the movie. Maybe it’s different in the book. I’ll have to read it. Without having read the book, I give Kick-Ass five stars. Once I read the book, I’m sure I’ll downgrade it to a three.</p> <p>Now, the Sorcerer’s Apprentice. There have been a lot of reboots and retellings as of late, and why should Uncle Walt be left out of the fun? Granted, this is the first full-length feature in the franchise, but we all know the original apprentice had big ears and a pointy, blue hat.</p> <p>In contrast to Kick-Ass, this movie absolutely is for kids. I would feel totally comfortable letting a 9-year-old watch the Sorcerer’s Apprentice. They might not follow it all the way through, but there’s certainly a lack of objectionable content (it’s Disney; It’s kosher).</p> <p>To sum up, the film follows the adventures of David, the apprentice of Balthazar, a former apprentice of Merlin. David is a molecular physics major who plays with tesla coils a lot. Balthazar is a very old wizard who’s spent centuries searching for the perfect apprentice.</p> <p>One of the cool things about this film is how magic is portrayed similarly to the way it is in Terry Pratchett’s Discworld novels. “A carefully placed thumb on the scales of the universe.” Magic isn’t really magic. It’s just science that most of us can’t grasp. That was kinda cool.</p> <p>The effects are well-done, the acting was good (Alfred Molina is always awesome), and the plot was good as well. The dialogue was a little dry, but it was okay.</p> <p>And yes, there is a mop scene with lots of water splashing all over the place. Fantasia fanatics: be placated.</p> <div style="margin-top: 10px; height: 15px" class="zemanta-pixie"><a class="zemanta-pixie-a" title="Enhanced by Zemanta" href="http://www.zemanta.com/"><img style="border-bottom-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; float: right; border-left-style: none" class="zemanta-pixie-img" alt="Enhanced by Zemanta" src="http://img.zemanta.com/zemified_e.png?x-id=438585ce-a08a-4d15-ac5d-db5b5febb56c" /></a></div> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-29162919489173360442011-05-09T06:32:00.001-07:002011-05-09T06:32:35.170-07:00Heroes<div style="margin: 1em; width: 310px; display: block; float: right" class="zemanta-img"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Heroes_logo.png"><img style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; display: inline; float: right; border-top: medium none; border-right: medium none" alt="Heroes (TV series)" align="right" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/70/Heroes_logo.png/300px-Heroes_logo.png" width="300" height="87" /></a> <p style="font-size: 0.8em" class="zemanta-img-attribution">Image via <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Heroes_logo.png">Wikipedia</a></p> </div> <p>Once upon an NBC, there was some great television. It was the best rip-off of <a class="zem_slink" title="X-Men" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/X-Men" rel="wikipedia">X-Men</a> that has ever been. It was about a group of what can only be described as mutants that were supposedly the next step in Human evolution. Loved that show, almost cried the day it got cancelled.</p> <p>Anyway. You all know I only blog about something that’s pissing me off. So here it is. The entire series is now available to watch instantly on <a class="zem_slink" title="Netflix" href="http://www.netflix.com/" rel="homepage">Netflix</a>. Awesome. I’m watching it right now, as a matter of fact. One hiccup. Those sons of bitches “fixed” it. Nothing major, but totally breaks my immersion in the show.</p> <p>When the show was on TV, every episode started with a monologue, usually by either <a class="zem_slink" title="Sendhil Ramamurthy" href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0707983/" rel="imdb">Sendhil Ramamurthy</a> or <a class="zem_slink" title="Erick Avari" href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0042805/" rel="imdb">Erick Avari</a>. That was all the recap anybody ever needed. Apparently, on the DVD edition of the show, the producers decided that wasn’t enough.</p> <p>So now there’s an actual recap before the monologue, in which some dude with a deep, gravelly voice (that’s getting old, by the way) begins HIS monologue with “previously on <a class="zem_slink" title="Heroes (TV series)" href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0813715/" rel="imdb">Heroes</a>.” But it doesn’t just end there. He does a full voice-over during the whole half-minute clip show. Aggravating: especially since they do a recap DURING THE SHOW. It’s okay if you don’t remember what you just watched five minutes ago, or an hour ago, or yesterday, because they’re going to do a flashback DURING THE SHOW. That’s one of the things that made Heroes great. You could miss an episode and not worry that you’d miss some crucial event, because anything that was important enough would get into a flashback, or (and this was my favorite method) they would replay the last scene of each storyline.</p> <p>But I digest. My point is this: Heroes ain’t broke and never was. It was the awesomest show on television as long as it was running. It was deep, it was followable, and it shared none of the pitfalls common to contemporary science fiction (horrible acting, brain-dead director, artless writers, overbearing producers, crap story). I’m just perturbed that the producers felt that the show didn’t stand well enough on its own and needed to be appended in the form of a voiced-over recap at the beginning of each episode. And I’m further perturbed that they didn’t get any members of the actual cast to just throw off a quick “previously, on Heroes.”</p> <p>Look. It’s been a long time since I’ve watched Heroes, and maybe I’m remembering it wrong. If I am… my point still stands. This blog entry is just a few years late.</p> <div style="margin-top: 10px; height: 15px" class="zemanta-pixie"><a class="zemanta-pixie-a" title="Enhanced by Zemanta" href="http://www.zemanta.com/"><img style="border-bottom-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; float: right; border-left-style: none" class="zemanta-pixie-img" alt="Enhanced by Zemanta" src="http://img.zemanta.com/zemified_e.png?x-id=96f02dba-9d8e-4438-8f4f-866dc77d15e1" /></a></div> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-75747528463438625892011-04-29T13:45:00.001-07:002011-04-29T13:45:58.453-07:00CL4P-TP video.<p>Not as funny as everyone is making it out to be, but funny. And super cool. I would totally do this for a fan if I ran a video game studio. It goes to 720p, so crank it up and fullscreen it.</p> <p> <div style="padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: none; padding-top: 0px" id="scid:5737277B-5D6D-4f48-ABFC-DD9C333F4C5D:40c68235-0d8a-4d25-b261-ec77efdf4aa3" class="wlWriterEditableSmartContent"><div id="45c51d11-89d5-42c1-b226-6c5910b904ce" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; display: inline;"><div><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fii-KPEmcMw" target="_new"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg86R9ohk-mlwi0UGAWsmKyQmUXuVe6xAIX4td7vX9I311V5eiJI2Wcy1SMZAVBZe5gRTr1C2r47Zd8rpUWAwI-HsgjOg0gFJZK0qqClkZaqWZqLbPE-SEGTANeFTcGKM6mrM2PMYMlLUY/?imgmax=800" style="border-style: none" galleryimg="no" onload="var downlevelDiv = document.getElementById('45c51d11-89d5-42c1-b226-6c5910b904ce'); downlevelDiv.innerHTML = "<div><object width=\"513\" height=\"384\"><param name=\"movie\" value=\"http://www.youtube.com/v/Fii-KPEmcMw&hl=en\"><\/param><embed src=\"http://www.youtube.com/v/Fii-KPEmcMw&hl=en\" type=\"application/x-shockwave-flash\" width=\"513\" height=\"384\"><\/embed><\/object><\/div>";" alt=""></a></div></div></div> </p> <p><a href="http://kotaku.com/#!5795066/claptrap-has-a-proposal-for-you-tora" target="_blank">Here’s the full story</a>. I was going to post a link to the story on <a href="http://store.steampowered.com/about/" target="_blank">Steam</a>, but their website really, really blows. You’d think with the amount of money they make (about $970 million in 2010) and the number of people they pay (13) they’d have a functioning website. Oh well.</p> <p>PS Turns out, the story on the Steam site is a re-blog of the one I’m linking here anyway, so you’re not missing anything.</p> <p>Also on Steam this week: check out <a href="http://universesandbox.com/" target="_blank">Universe Sandbox</a>. I’m downloading the demo as we speak.</p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-18859041770778819252011-04-09T20:53:00.001-07:002011-04-09T20:58:28.161-07:00Light Painting<p>I’m sure I’ll be publishing this entry more than once, since I’m trying to line-up text and photos, and somehow that never translates properly between Live Writer and blogspot. So if you get six or seven alerts that I’ve published a new blog entry, relax. Have some dip.</p> <p>So today in… a place that is dark and may or may not be underground, we did some light painting. What’s that? You’re not familiar with light painting? Let me explain briefly, but the photos will explain it better. A light painting is a photo (typically a long exposure; 10-30 seconds) in which you use a bright light in a dark (preferably pitch black) place to “paint.” Let me get right into the photos and you’ll understand.</p> <p>To set the stage, here’s where we were shooting. Big, wide-open basements are awesome for light painting because you can usually turn all the lights off and have nothing coming in through the windows. This particular basement doesn’t have any (those ones in the back are bricked up on the outside and don’t count).<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC0pv6IehtfNo8gXiRRKYuV608DKJ4lgNexltUftu7cGwJ4OdY6WR_cfFuxHVwTAzTreZMGoYBKE8YFjQwSvcUawEwpAnzkV4h86AFOV4DoKT47fgnmvsFAv1oweNy6vj3DYcURE8XPVA/s1600-h/019%5B5%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="019" border="0" alt="019" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbO-nlQZCluff956agB4ZOpN9SU51tkm3ho_f0y8JIzGurls0ysWdY6v9a1EDQNtJSZap4fp_BF6VtfxhMtSuXM02-doEw0Fk3pFRhPm11f9ZeGKYP2Pn38fOQPGI0GsGhrerYDWzjVe4/?imgmax=800" width="644" height="431" /></a></p> <p>That light was the only one in the room. This is a ten second exposure. That green squiggly business over on the right is somebody playing with a laser pointer.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEcMzdbymtbyel99vQ-aPxGV1QvGghTwlXxwLq8pBk433ESU2g5_3x2IxEanQXUCiGPGrNBF4AfgWFV0TGHBfMb5xMMT3Lt_8R9aCsA0U94PZwXwVTcGlhxaDsbxeotJ_448fHoeC4IT0/s1600-h/020%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: right; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="020" border="0" alt="020" align="right" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh4nv6Jhkimu0EsssBnyX5Q3cLphCI9p4A5dwVtFoqgBrqA9SCf_0smcM6UzJEL3SoJz9lPDFvu8idMMdPYpsDALxlbaNGkq4BZyeKGN17b-WbOGVWzOe4l-NsUo068EWnuigl_9tIQR8/?imgmax=800" width="644" height="431" /></a></p> <p>Here’s another ten-second exposure with the light on. This time, Mia and I are walking around in the room during the exposure. This was just to see if that one flourescent was way too much to make an effective light painting. Long story short: it was.</p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TaEptHPzKxI/AAAAAAAABkg/7LAKxjD2WNo/s1600-h/007%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: left; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="007" border="0" alt="007" align="left" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1TpS6yWGJW0aBROkNui6n4BaPo0lujZ26wzOyNoBLXJhN1OhWZYvyjiAVbKFsLxBF2-cUyEsZQrk1DmK6y4SXEa1Opo2lbSHK6fvXcwe1k5RLkZYKmDSIIoAX3g3SlfQ1HyROhJbT644/?imgmax=800" width="644" height="428" /></a>Next: Just some fooling around with a couple little flashers that Mia brought in. The girl in the photo (I’m embarrassed that I don’t know her name yet) was just kind of whirling them around for a minute, so I took a thirty second exposure and it looks like a swarm of multi-colored fireflies.</p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi91pi1Zrs3zmrzVVkQUyAHfDxde7SSrJ7VWkowX4DZ8FZuyMGHJTh0xyDcOVOnInUvwvJQPedHQC51KLOvHFO_2E528Pl-kWkh8Q3WmeFCMmJoOO6V4y4rb8mzZRog-SACUwpJxFL7hPg/s1600-h/006%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: right; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="006" border="0" alt="006" align="right" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TaEpuBkVAhI/AAAAAAAABks/Z3cAxFFEfBs/006_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="456" height="484" /></a></p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p>Here’s Mia with some rings around here. She stood still while Kyle walked around her and drew rings around her with what I think was a mini Maglite with the end taken off (to expose the bulb).</p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi51QVdWT6NV0BGm8Xcwq66aPFQ0YmOIcM_0vAhaGjocfr2z4nHInuf_NUzyEiTv7bg0FxY6Qvv7fYsWxGlCDExSVdXNj29AuTkwjSK5sYy23htUvfuXZofQA0BGwiLPdO38pQ_jJdpFPQ/s1600-h/003%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: left; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="003" border="0" alt="003" align="left" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtholqd0lCZ3Q0o4ff4dJ0d-3W6kYeuCXpCdBFYVJFKBcM7nzBrD656c6qBYe5rkOvDB-bo_iothQYYw7geK9ogoSvW5h0j7AM0Dsg8X8hWmgzDwaju0g3f180IqXkY2eCQtiTV81TlqA/?imgmax=800" width="603" height="484" /></a></p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p>Here, Mia again (she’s didn’t shoot a lot today) stood while Kyle (he likes to shine the light) stood behind her with the light and traced her with the light.</p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TaEpvY8U3EI/AAAAAAAABk4/lO3gbKGw61M/s1600-h/012%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: right; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="012" border="0" alt="012" align="right" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOXPbDaJSNZI2y3hT7TVNvpIYgsiQ0eNoCn40lDDUrwJP9PO6pHdg9OKJG3EVQIMlHmKc_5RGE696rOvQkBdFN_t0FUmJvY6GMxFQe8ReQMIg3JE6Py-JV7UYwZTTZYcGTj40rS_HxlXc/?imgmax=800" width="644" height="431" /></a></p> <p>Here’s Kyle. He had his flash set to burst. he stood in the middle of the room and whirled it around a little while he fired it off. Then he walked towards his camera (off-frame to the left) while he flashed his face. I bet the shot he got is a lot more interesting that mine, but mine’s still pretty cool.</p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOXUPaClLzl-cpp_oM75kg-4WhMyNNjxtI3vOQw2hz5qi5kYjQtOc67QMbemK0DpL6v7OdfDsrEFvglW15vPDbWiMRdhu21I6KkT1oQbSTxdna3273QBtidXEweVPHeVWE3OMYykBqpL4/s1600-h/017%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: left; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="017" border="0" alt="017" align="left" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHuVI13dKj-cYIe_Lkcl8c12GcC6Vk_3YTmjCBoEQjv6N_Z3eL-O_AOyBjlpJasL3Mqwidyo2N6qF1BBQQZz7eA-9XMt7JWh3wC-wSbci3DFGFiB0-KJclMrxF31QUCZzJeZADb5IVL2I/?imgmax=800" width="644" height="336" /></a>So I set my exposure to thirty seconds and used Mia’s green laser to write the letters. Up to now we’ve just been playing around. Now the real fun begins.</p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TaEpw7zp3sI/AAAAAAAABlI/RV10PLFTaQI/s1600-h/021%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: right; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="021" border="0" alt="021" align="right" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TaEpxdK_t3I/AAAAAAAABlM/vFEwMoN5Rjo/021_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="580" height="484" /></a></p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p>Here’s me. This is another thirty second shot. I took Kyle’s hot shoe flash, held it in my hand as I walked around during the shot. I posed a few different ways and flashed myself. So it looks like there are four ghostly Andys in the shot.</p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhQUw79RS_r7TxUljSZIl_VU5bDqtIL8dyhSV1VbSvbJa3mcAWLnkOkplA9SZTQ1klb396jTp0IZfpUTkkhvpm3oW5meoWUvsCzzsBFMONsRuIfkYZKvhS2Ag0ZMnLpMap88i2zMJ2TX0/s1600-h/022%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: left; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="022" border="0" alt="022" align="left" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TaEpyJC_v6I/AAAAAAAABlU/_p2PcIRRnAg/022_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="644" height="431" /></a></p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p>This one is my favorite. We all pushed our shutters and Kyle took the laser pointer and whipped it around the whole room. I love how you can see every little detail in the walls.</p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGYrhOwQJR8cOqsA2jQY0xJrMrC_2hsIhdHljrlsJ4QavpGfQ0lgBGqHDb6J3ECscXU_GoCTHJAlhoI7vql-X7oYlWtjO2UM2PX15aD0f0HiSHdu34I66UwcZxN34CPQ9cEzfqKX8qH9o/s1600-h/024%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: right; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="024" border="0" alt="024" align="right" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-jJlyaDIQRaaiapPzxREQ3bgj3Fm9Mbl7Cus8D6fzgTPWuPDwxvAsZfxs5p-4sEvWDFBLn1SSHghEnVGpzlVh-_R6cyMID_MW-k7nJ4brOmliYhbtkrh6RQFbOvlpvhjNHJORjfm-dqY/?imgmax=800" width="644" height="322" /></a></p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p>This one’s just a bit different than the last on. We all stood in the room while Kyle painted the room. Then when he was done, he flashed us. I think this would have looked better if he’d painted the room without us in it, then flashed us in.</p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7WijTHzh44FpNvAhfnkyH1nMrDHJBXnfpsL1KeB6OVDkjBw_fkyOqfx0pzNXeyHSkwdRZtO31nIPa8FNZTeTOCDDzlG48VNPp_cClqz7x7B00eX8FcGN3qfb-xwgp3YNvTvRk6laws2w/s1600-h/031%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: left; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="031" border="0" alt="031" align="left" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv5IGaEUIvT_k_Lopgi_F_hrLPUV47PNsPhrIJmyM5wIgfb4cODBoswc2CXETlIRrp8M4Whi0EJYl9ApysqH8JIOEako27G8_L_geyQ4TG8ni1wJquwX3BF_L2_YLAGaInbqKiixzNyH4/?imgmax=800" width="644" height="415" /></a></p> <p>This one’s for the Potter fans. I wrote this with the Maglite with the end taken off. I forget who initially had the idea for “Ruderman’s Army,” (Ruderman is our photography professor) but I think it’s beginning to take off. Stay tuned for shenanigans involving this meme. No, I didn’t make the “S” backwards on purpose, but it’s hard to write all your letters backwards when you’re on a thirty-second timer. Even when I did this backwards (as if I was writing on a blackboard in the air, with me between the camera and the light), I still made it backwards, still not on purposeEventually, we figured it would be a better idea to shoot on “bulb.” If you don’t know, “bulb” is a setting that holds the shutter open as long as you hold down the trigger. It’s great for light painting.</p> <p> </p> <p>Okay. This one is sort of a light painting, in that it is actually two light paintings layered up in photoshop. There’s a shot of the group of us photographers, and a second shot of the words “Ruderman’s Army” done using a small keychain light. I think it was probably me who painted the latter shot, since the “S” is once again backwards. The group shot was taken by setting the timer on the camera (so everyone had time to get into place) and using the pop-up flash. First, I opened the shot of us in P<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaM_EQbPh94kwMpNWERX43gp7d1FSUDCe5mm0w1bapG5_lZ9XdWffe9R_FwRemd7XQky2okaLE9FmeTNRyzfAQlMIP-mezIPelk39gywWS5tGqMl2B1eQAgWJrt6I7b_FQ-QUqRnz950s/s1600-h/Rudermans%20Army%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: right; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="Rudermans Army" border="0" alt="Rudermans Army" align="right" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5dZlP90-GwDYp0y-hPSaAbNInN6P9XdqMteGHAYngFwAiE8Y2ktd414zfOZLG1AQVq_I6K0oNgUgVN8LqDwelhGdPjLXLayF8q0xsR7sY_KPUYNxV_v8TE9FIbMs1bBh3hTXH8MFg8mg/?imgmax=800" width="644" height="430" /></a>hotoshop. Then I added the other shot as layer 1. I set the opacity of layer 1 to 60%, so that the background layer (the group photo) would show through. Then I made a layer mask on layer 1, and used the brush tool to paint out everything except the letters (which mostly amounted to black space, with a few random reflections in the ceiling). This worked out okay, but didn’t really give me the effect I wanted. The group photo was clear, but the letters were a bit… weak. The background layer shone through the letters too much. So I scrapped layer 1 and began it again from scratch. Next, I made a copy of the background layer and made it layer 2, placing it above layer 1. Instead of changing the opacity, I changed layer 2’s mode from “normal” to “lighten.” That tells Photoshop to evaluate every pixel on the layer and decide if it is lighter or darker than the pixel on the layer directly beneath it. If the pixel below is lighter, it shines through the upper layer. If the pixel on top is lighter, it covers up the pixel below. For this particular project, that means that not only the letters shine through, but so do the sparkles in the corners of the letters.</p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-6255947931284848072011-04-04T12:57:00.001-07:002011-04-04T12:57:04.370-07:00RGB vs. CMYK<p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9S53_DYgnOhJW89eTbF_igVmCN-jI031-NcFrm20eujcSLu1zVwejb9XWAP-OO9-EZmbibk53TCpqacT4FfWaXta_gH2rLBxiOU4836jMWOU3bQkY8OThmilFL98kME8sh8QgQJTM0TI/s1600-h/color_spectrum%5B3%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: right; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="color_spectrum" border="0" alt="color_spectrum" align="right" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsY4qdxYqBQK-Vdorrw3S3sb34Jj8hfhrpy62oCzvEx0P-MyM2wlqInRar8LZOIh0Ti7zPWp3ZfASR_WTmZ2ByTlGImoeuRkAWzUiVenQd-SF-hIwEFbVykblSJpZ4nkcMTYko7hixcqA/?imgmax=800" width="254" height="204" /></a>Hey! Anybody wanna know the REAL difference between <a class="zem_slink" title="RGB color model" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RGB_color_model" rel="wikipedia">RGB</a> and <a class="zem_slink" title="CMYK color model" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CMYK_color_model" rel="wikipedia">CMYK</a>? I mean really want a visually obvious example to etch the distinction into you psyche for the rest of your life? If you’re really unclear on this point, and you still think this “<a class="zem_slink" title="Color management" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Color_management" rel="wikipedia">color management</a>” stuff is all bullshit, try this.</p> <p>1. Open up <a class="zem_slink" title="Adobe InDesign" href="http://www.adobe.com/products/indesign/main.html" rel="homepage">InDesign</a> (or Quark, or MSPublisher, or whatever you want to use) and design a business card in <a class="zem_slink" title="SRGB" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SRGB" rel="wikipedia">sRGB</a> (your monitor works in sRGB, so you’re doing that automatically). Use a lot of black and dark grey. Especially use a black background and black text with an "outer glow" effect to make it readable on a background of the same color.</p> <p>2. Export that design to a PDF in sRGB (if you leave the settings alone, this is probably what they will default to, since most people don’t know anything about color management).</p> <p>3. Search online for a printhouse. Look for a good deal. Find someplace a little cheaper than <a class="zem_slink" title="Vistaprint" href="http://www.vistaprint.com/" rel="homepage">VistaPrint</a> (like <a href="http://www.overnightprints.com/" target="_blank">overnightprints.com</a>).</p> <p>4. Send them the PDF you created in step 2.</p> <p>5. Receive two boxes of completely unreadable business cards.</p> <p>6. Remove brick from pants.</p> <p>7. Write a long, bitchy e-mail to the printhouse, in which you point out that you formatted your file exactly to their specifications and are entirely displeased with the results and expect them to overnight you two new boxes printed properly. Ask them to provide you with an <a class="zem_slink" title="ICC profile" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ICC_profile" rel="wikipedia">ICC profile</a> for their printers so that you can send them EXACTLY what they need.</p> <p>7(a). Don’t click send just yet.</p> <p>8. Go and read the specifications mentioned in step 7.</p> <p>9. Realize that they specify not only that they want files in CMYK, but that they specifically note that their color management system uses the GRACoL 2006 color profile, and provides <a href="http://www.overnightprints.com/main.php?A=rgbcmyk" target="_blank">a link to an article</a> about color management and how bloody important it is. It even provides a helpful bit at the bottom about how to convert from RGB to CMYK using several popular software products.</p> <p>10. Delete unsent e-mail.</p> <p>11. Place your face approximately 8” above your keyboard.</p> <p>12. Swiftly lower your head approximately 8.5”.</p> <p>13. Repeat steps 11 and 12 until the importance of color management becomes apparent.</p> <div style="margin-top: 10px; height: 15px" class="zemanta-pixie"><a class="zemanta-pixie-a" title="Enhanced by Zemanta" href="http://www.zemanta.com/"><img style="border-bottom-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; float: right; border-left-style: none" class="zemanta-pixie-img" alt="Enhanced by Zemanta" src="http://img.zemanta.com/zemified_e.png?x-id=2ff5a83b-7caf-4873-8a68-d3d24c4b4353" /></a></div> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-33031022996666570652011-03-03T11:50:00.001-08:002011-03-03T11:50:53.846-08:00Best Photo Ever<p>If you happen to be in my photography class, stop reading. Give this post a miss. You’re not supposed to see these yet. You know why.</p> <p>So my mid-term assignment for photography is to print and matte my best photo ever. I’ve narrowed it down to seven and I need opinions. Help a guy out. Here are the nominees:</p> <p>Butterfly</p> <p><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TW_w_MNCaPI/AAAAAAAAA5w/tTbZ6esHsPo/s1600-h/Flutterby%5B6%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="Flutterby" border="0" alt="Flutterby" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQ6gB8KyR7lPFnAz5qbyPZIrJAsQqWwohJRhyphenhyphenRsei1xH0_BceY4uQwweZpPDL46Vzpi0KaVUGAv6yE13TE1Xjcma8d-NxZjLUzOOZ8IMn7PH-ShVtecJyu7jvObOJLWQGpbvkeXdGiI8Y/?imgmax=800" width="644" height="375" /></a></p> <p>Khan</p> <p><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TW_xAfbskhI/AAAAAAAAA54/hZYlbvvo9nc/s1600-h/Khan%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="Khan" border="0" alt="Khan" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtHWFtowSXCO8k8PeZDdNe9I05XvJ1RE4qZpKLMwAKCG6T_n0nV0E8nHWXFc1gA0M1iAUNEvUKRKv1MKOd8UnspOrfzkwX2lTx4o_lI57Vcgo-OclAbjMx9ccf6pDGTKrtnI1OpIzE_Ig/?imgmax=800" width="644" height="431" /></a></p> <p>Little Bug</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHcVCpHQO0C7m-zVrqiLaRxzhX0PWA56ExJ_Bezs7RUqJ55l-RP5l3SEKRBoSs06-MVr359fI8bbhcMnNS_E4gg13DDMlZasylU2WtB58YDOPzgyJv0PoG9fZwYiXKexTbWV22B-axGH8/s1600-h/Little%20Bug%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="Little Bug" border="0" alt="Little Bug" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TW_xCi6d_LI/AAAAAAAAA6E/6PkGkHyboDY/Little%20Bug_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="644" height="459" /></a></p> <p>Devin</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOk_RI2XUBf8BwMKMNg6e5GqqLwR1vC-PECj3dS1FlZNzUxgPl97KacnnkumBMf9CLL5rOViZ2mfHFUAbxYQvlRjgf4uxc9QwIBE_D3Wj2as-BZAPSykd1mu53w7V0TGrJpU7Bdj7QiPo/s1600-h/Low%20Devin%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="Low Devin" border="0" alt="Low Devin" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TW_xDxIvsNI/AAAAAAAAA6M/QtTEfKVOSRg/Low%20Devin_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="468" height="484" /></a></p> <p>Gate at Sunset</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimvfg_EXDYM3WMLDPNPDEzC7KSLUtHeAFfpCQHe73bmS55pXkiy5pqdTp0aa7B-X1J_-83bSJvCKjpL_lxbR3MBiTaVsVmvVyTKuw4PUI5i3aMQ-nnFZXl9AnPRecTWMrI69-q6QdyT0s/s1600-h/Night%20Gate%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="Night Gate" border="0" alt="Night Gate" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt-o-OXur95iT85va93SvcCVlCtTL0i9BOz4BPFSntZoaGIeoldwrHrcwrScV25SrsIS5tgTbwfTVBD3_sfMA7FFoUObzFP1eHJWgm0k0zig7QRqeiFRqCi2f6EForfudIuriMketkcd8/?imgmax=800" width="644" height="431" /></a></p> <p>Old Tucson Water Wheel</p> <p><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TW_xFxOL51I/AAAAAAAAA6Y/RQTQBKUgu1Y/s1600-h/Water%20Wheel%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="Water Wheel" border="0" alt="Water Wheel" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TW_xGWv9b2I/AAAAAAAAA6c/cCXqhnTmXck/Water%20Wheel_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="644" height="431" /></a></p> <p>Wing over Tucson</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLg18OYNDXmAkcLzvh2_IdouVSDVaqVBT3xNkP5qzTp56y3es86DdeGIbRJaVgQ6t-UlWmDwoGIqDWwvw9sBkE8gylEi4AsFKTPn_-S-mkJPnoG3qRVL9bvmpXXdqCvwLNJz-8j4a3qt0/s1600-h/Wings%20over%20Tucson%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="Wings over Tucson" border="0" alt="Wings over Tucson" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TW_xHTaHZdI/AAAAAAAAA6k/DvZncEZUc50/Wings%20over%20Tucson_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="644" height="431" /></a></p> <p>These are all cropped and lightly re-touched, but which ever one I hand in will get a less subtle re-touching to make it look great (the butterfly, for example, I’m going to do what I did with it in that little how-to I posted a couple weeks ago). I just can’t decide which one to use. I started with something like 400 photos, narrowed it down to 30 pretty easily, then got it down to these 7 after much deliberation. Now I just need some help narrowing it down further. I have to hand this in next Wednesday, so the sooner I hear from you, the more useful your input will be. Thanks!</p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-87824626123511600012011-02-18T21:57:00.001-08:002011-02-18T21:57:41.334-08:00So… How do photographers…?<p>Kerry asked me today: “how do photographers do that thing where they make a picture black and white except for one thing, like a rose or a red balloon?” To which I replied “magic.” Which is, of course, the official party line.</p> <p>Then she said “Yeah. I know. Never reveal your tricks. But srsly, how do they do it?” I thought about it for a full eight seconds before I said “Photoshop. Or Lightroom. You could probably do it in Lightroom.” Then I showed her. For the curious, here’s how you do it. I started with this photo from Tucson.</p> <p><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TV9byIrINtI/AAAAAAAAA5E/wmuuqBBUZig/s1600-h/Flutterby6.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="Flutterby" border="0" alt="Flutterby" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TV9byRdktgI/AAAAAAAAA5I/9LPaw5WVwpw/Flutterby_thumb3.jpg?imgmax=800" width="644" height="375" /></a></p> <p>I’m going to grey everything except for the butterfly. I’m going to do it twice: once in Lightroom 3 and once in Photoshop CS5. In both cases, I started with a CR2 that I had previously cropped and color corrected using Lighroom (which has all the same tools as the Adobe Raw Converter that comes with Photoshop).</p> <p>In Lightroom, you use the adjustment brush. You set the “effect” to “color” and set the “saturation” to “-100.” Then you paint the whole photo except for the part you want to be in color. You’ll have to zoom in and do some fine tuning, but the adjustment brush has an “erase” mode that will put the color back in (took me a minute to figure out that bit). That’s about it. Like everything in Lightroom, pretty simple with pretty good results. Here’s what you end up with.</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgph82VPOC41gJDKLb-OBxuTlHlAyuJSYQu9TOoNoF9nWkZ2UPcA7rC5c-lYWyyDVjQxaDZygzNXPdR11exE1EsvaF11hQcHjEeowC8q1VQfi6G78nDDGFLJaWK5XOT2U7m15rFXGugdPc/s1600-h/flutterby-grey-lightroom4.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="flutterby grey lightroom" border="0" alt="flutterby grey lightroom" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TV9bzX0aD7I/AAAAAAAAA5Q/mQvePVzZsyA/flutterby-grey-lightroom_thumb1.jpg?imgmax=800" width="644" height="375" /></a></p> <p>Pretty good, but we can do better. Let’s load up Photoshop.</p> <p>Start by making a selection. It won’t be perfect, but doesn’t need to be at this point. I used the magnetic lasso, but you could just as easily use the regular lasso or the pen tool. Select the butterfly. Next, click the “edit in quick mask mode” button at the bottom of the toolbar. This works just like a layer mask, except that instead of hiding part of the layer, you’re selecting it. You use the brush tool in black and white to edit the mask. By default, the mask appears red. For this particular project, I turned mine blue by double-clicking on the quick mask mode button because red didn’t contrast well enough with the orange butterfly. So this is what a quick mask looks like:</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLYWUvfwemx5qEv-tkb60fTQYAIrXFC-zqBPs616lGTTnYhNm93hoB4VR8uQ9VJBixq-6mkY9ZXP8Ix6qix7xKXX-IW6cSMPL_EGDq3tExZjW8T8OMz1AuR4jzpmcmmiNhdKG_ah-q54g/s1600-h/blue-mask4.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="blue mask" border="0" alt="blue mask" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUecOxnH9JYhuIboqqizgm2drRh-LmC3fzkS72d8jypMLugh3eJ7oWmG7GmrU-vc19RoCDLnszMEnjKOVQKbaw_jqbzypEdARRtvkpH4p1fV-RpHNZOrtuGSjHFa1U8dfMSjnW2y5i4bo/?imgmax=800" width="644" height="374" /></a></p> <p>That’s what mine looked like when I was about half-done with it. So, make sure everything you want to be greyscale is covered with blue (or whatever color your quickmask is) and whatever you want to be in color is not. Using the brush tool (b) with black selected paints the mask, and using it with white unpaints it (hit x to switch between black and white when you have one as the background as one as the foreground). I could have that backwards. I can never remember.</p> <p>Once you have your mask just the way you want it, click the quick mask button again. That will take away your mask and replace it with a selection. This next step is vital. Go to the “select” menu and click the “inverse” option. This will select the part of the image that you had masked, as opposed to the part that was unmasked.</p> <p>So now you’ve got a selection of all the stuff you want to have no color. Now, go to image>adjustments>black & white. This will bring up the “black & white” dialog. If you know what you’re doing, click “auto.” Then make adjustments until you’ve got what you want. If you don’t know what you’re doing, click “auto,” then play with the sliders until you figure out what’s going on. Make sure you’ve got the “preview” box checked or you won’t see what you’re doing. Make everything as light or dark as you want it. When you’re done, click “okay.” Done. You should have something like this:</p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TV9b0mLdzsI/AAAAAAAAA5c/ck6fZxTBcLc/s1600-h/Flutterby%20grey%20photoshop%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="Flutterby grey photoshop" border="0" alt="Flutterby grey photoshop" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNDePb2_ZYbIo0JQYcMrcfjsJ9DLPSM-l9Uz5F5If1XOADnfBj5uQZYPCce6W5e7Q0-fd9rvO0KKu4_mLF6EugSOZN9ZQm-JFbQrI24gDEiYqWdodgXYl-9cUoOv9DmcWs5IbBQ_uF9II/?imgmax=800" width="644" height="375" /></a></p> <p>I just took the auto black and white settings (not to be confused with the default settings, which are what show up in the dialog before you hit the “auto” button) and didn’t change anything. I think this turned out a lot better than the Lightroom method, and it was easier (if more tedious) to make a perfect selection.</p> <p>So, that’s how photographers do that. But remember: if anybody asks, the answer is “magic.”</p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-38086299582004556142011-02-01T15:45:00.001-08:002011-02-01T15:46:00.782-08:00Hello, Computer<p>As you all know (or ought to know), <a class="zem_slink" title="Majel Barrett" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Majel_Barrett" rel="wikipedia">Majel Barret Roddenberry</a>, the voice of the computer in every iteration of Star Trek,  died last year just before the release of the new Star Trek movie. I saw that on <a title="Where no face has booked before" href="http://www.facebook.com/StarTrek" target="_blank">startrek.com's facebook page</a> that there was a thread of “who would make a good computer voice?” I don’t feel like sifting through a thousand comments to see what people have to say, but I do think it would make for a fun discussion. So what do you all think? Who should they cast for the new voice of Star Trek?</p> <p>Here are some of my thoughts.</p> <p>1. <a class="zem_slink" title="Morgan Freeman" href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000151/" rel="imdb">Morgan Freeman</a>. I know he’s a man, but I don’t think that should disqualify anybody. Just imagine him saying “Captain Picard is not onboard the Enterprise.”</p> <p>2. Ron Howard. Watch Arrested Development, narrated by him. That’s exactly the intonation and inflection I imagine he would have as a computer.</p> <p>3. <a class="zem_slink" title="Keanu Reeves" href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000206/" rel="imdb">Keanu Reaves</a>. Watch <a class="zem_slink" title="The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951 film)" href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0043456/" rel="imdb">The Day the Earth Stood Still</a>. No. Don’t. It was terrible. But watch five minutes of it and listen to the way he talks. It’s beautifully robotic.</p> <p>4. <a class="zem_slink" title="Portia de Rossi" href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005577/" rel="imdb">Portia De Rossi</a>. A little esoteric, perhaps, but she’s got a voice similar to MBR, and I think she’d do well.</p> <p>5. Mary McDonnell. President Roslin from Galactica.</p> <p>6. <a class="zem_slink" title="Jewel Staite" href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0821612/" rel="imdb">Jewel Staite</a>. I was gonna say <a class="zem_slink" title="Morena Baccarin" href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1072555/" rel="imdb">Morena Baccarin</a>, and I do think she’d be a good choice if you’re looking for a replacement for Majel. But if you’re looking for someone new, I think Jewel would make a great computer. She’s got a pleasant voice, and she might add a touch of humanization to the computer.</p> <p>I know, the computer isn’t human, but the whole point of giving a computer a human voice is to make the crew more comfortable. So why not humanize it a little? MBR was a great computer, but she talked like you would expect a robot to talk. That’s not bad, I just feel like it’s not the only way to do it.</p> <p>So what do you all think? Who would you cast as the voice of the computer?</p> <div style="margin-top: 10px; height: 15px" class="zemanta-pixie"><a class="zemanta-pixie-a" title="Enhanced by Zemanta" href="http://www.zemanta.com/"><img style="border-bottom-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; float: right; border-left-style: none" class="zemanta-pixie-img" alt="Enhanced by Zemanta" src="http://img.zemanta.com/zemified_e.png?x-id=8d711bae-b15e-4a30-a163-57d4ba91b846" /></a></div> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-40405074065896078052011-01-30T21:32:00.001-08:002011-01-30T21:32:25.845-08:00The Founding Fathers<p>It seems everywhere in US politics today, people are bitching and moaning about “what the founding fathers intended.” Well, here it is. I’m going to break the story. I know precisely, with no ambiguity or uncertainty, what the founding fathers intended.</p> <p>They intended the government to be able to change to meet the needs of the day. Essentially, they knew that the government they put together 250 years ago wouldn’t work forever. It was what they needed at the time, so it’s what they did. What they needed then is not the same as what we need now.</p> <p>So let’s stop bickering about “what the founding fathers wanted.” They wanted to be free of England and to construct a political system that could evolve to fit the needs of an evolving nation. Well, that’s not what we need any more. America knows who she is now, and it’s time to move out of Uncle Sam’s place (Uncle Sam who, btw, went down to the tavern every night with Uncle Tom and got positively hammer-headed).</p> <p>Exactly how old should a nation be before they have their first revolution (I don’t want to get into a debate about this, but the first one was technically a successful rebellion, not a revolution. A revolution is when you replace the government. We didn’t. We seceded from Great Britain, who’s government remains to this day)? Seriously. We’re 235 this year. Can we move out of the basement and find our own place now? It’s great that our parents laid down all these rules to make sure we would learn how to play nice with all the other kids, but I think we’re old enough to start making our own mistakes.</p> <p>So please. For the love of God. Can we stop arguing about what our founders intended? Because (a) they wrote it in plain, simple English specifically to avoid mis-interpretation and (b) what they wanted was for us to have a government that would meet our needs, regardless of how the world around us changed.</p> <p>Even with this great constitution, every page of which says “change this when it doesn’t make sense any more,” we still have a religious government (yay two-party system!), a political system that essentially has no left hand (srsly. When half your country thinks gays shouldn’t be allowed in the military, and the other half debates them instead of calling them retards and going on about the business of running a country, Rome only just fell three or four centuries ago), and what’s been threatening to turn into an unabashed police state for almost ten years. So maybe we do still need some guidance from somewhere. It’s just too bad that we think we’re the hottest shit in the bowl and won’t listen to what anybody else says. This whole manifest destiny thing was cool when we had a whole continent to discover, but now it’s just pathetic. </p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-55119136364668496472011-01-27T16:55:00.001-08:002011-01-27T16:55:38.768-08:00Andy’s Stovetop Mac & Cheese (with beer)<p>Okay. Here’s what you will need:</p> <p>4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) butter</p> <p>1 lb. pasta (I use Rotini or Fusilli)</p> <p>1 quart + 1 cup buttermilk (regular milk might work, but buttermilk taste much cheesier)</p> <p>Two beers. I have only used lager, but other kinds might work. I would recommend against stout (ie, Guiness), unless you want beer-flavored Mac & Cheese</p> <p>Cheese. Lots of cheese. Probably about a pound, but use your judgment. I like to go to Big Y and buy their “Cheese ends for mac n cheese.” I buy two and throw away half of what I buy because it’s american or swiss or something else I don’t want f*&#ing up my flavor. This time I used almost all cheddar with a handful (literally) of pecorino romano (I said “pecker”).</p> <p>Salt (a few dashes)</p> <p>Pepper (a (1) dash)</p> <p>lots of Garlic (I used powdered, but I’m trying minced next time)</p> <p>Classic Rock. And none of that “soft” crap. Bad Company, Queen, Journey, Foreigner, AC/DC or Rolling Stones are all good. Joan Jett is also okay. Tom Petty, Credence, Metallica, Neil Young, Simon & Garfunkel and Elton John are unacceptable (yes, I just put Metallica in the same category as Neil Young). The Eagles are okay, but no Desperado and no Lyin’ Eyes. This is a key ingredient.</p> <p>If you don’t like classic rock, electronica is allowed. but no Erasure and no Portishead. Yes, I love Portis head as much as the next bloody-wristed, tongue-pierced teenager, but they’re no good for cooking. Frank Klepacki is good, as are Massive Attack and Bassnectar. Daft Punk is almost mandatory.</p> <p>My stove is an electric stove. It goes from 1-10. I won’t explain this again later, so look back up here if you forget that “5” means middle heat.</p> <p>This is a “never leave the stove” recipe. Gather everything you need beforehand, because if you leave this alone for a minute, I don’t know what will happen. Chuck Norris might show up and kick you in the face, or it might be totally okay. I stir it constantly throughout cooking. You’ve been warned.</p> <p>Commence to rock. Start the music, but no singing and no dancing yet. Blast it. If you’re not afraid of the neighbors, it’s not loud enough.</p> <p>I use a big soup pot, but you could probably get away with a large sauce pan or something similar. In this, melt the butter. I set my stove to 5 to melt the butter and leave it there for most of the process.</p> <p>While the butter is melting, crack open a beer and begin to consume. Don’t chug. Just drink leisurely. You will likely get through two beers for this recipe.</p> <p>Once the butter is melted, wait just until it starts to sizzle. Pour in about a third of the buttermilk. It’s going to separate. don’t worry about it. The buttermilk is basically going to separate into cheese curd and water. It’s okay. Stir it a lot to try to keep the butter from separating out. It will separate a little, but stir it anyway.</p> <p>Begin dancing, but not heavily. Just bop to the music a bit. You’re cooking for God’s sake. don’t go nuts, you’ll spill something. No singing yet.</p> <p>Once the mixture begins to boil, start stirring in the rest of the buttermilk, but keep one cup out. Once you’ve stirred in all but one cup of the buttermilk, add three to five dashes of salt, one (1!) dash of black pepper, and a few shakes (not too many) of garlic powder.</p> <p>Keep stirring. It is now acceptable to begin singing to the music. Don’t hurt yourself. You’re not Brian Johnson and you’re not Freddie. You could seriously injure yourself trying to be.</p> <p>Once the sauce (yes, you’re making cheese sauce) starts to boil, start stirring in the cheese a little bit at a time. The first time I made this, I used WAY too much cheese, and it broke. The cheese stayed in a glob at the bottom and it was really hard to keep it mixed together. So stir it constantly, and when the cheese starts to clump up at the bottom, add the last cup of buttermilk and that should offset it enough to in-break it.</p> <p>If you haven’t finished your first beer yet, do so now.</p> <p>Open your second beer and pour the first ounce or two into the sauce. Stir. Add a bunch more garlic. Sorry about being vague through all this, but I don’t keep track of how much I use. I do it to taste and smell. If you don’t like garlic, don’t add very much. If you do (like me), upend the bottle (but not literally. I just mean use a lot).</p> <p>Stir that for a few minutes. You should now be both singing and dancing with your music. If the neighbors haven’t registered a noise complaint, you’ve ruined the sauce. Dump it down the drain and start over.</p> <p>Once the sauce has begun to barely boil, turn the heat down to 3 1/2 (three and a half, not half of thirty-one). Stir in the raw pasta. DON’T COOK THE PASTA AHEAD OF TIME. I mean, you could, but then it won’t soak up the nice cheese sauce you’ve just made. Stir it to make sure the pastas completely covered by the sauce. Any pasta that isn’t submerged won’t cook.</p> <p>It will take… a number of minutes for the pasta to cook. During this time, consume your second beer and continue to dance/sing. When the cops show up, show them this recipe, explain the situation, and offer them a beer. They won’t take it: they’re on duty. But you’re a nice guy, so offer it anyway.</p> <p>When the pasta is cooked (you’ll know because the one you eat will be not crunchy any more), remove the whole mess from the heat. That means put it on a cold burner, not just turn off the heat (but turn off the heat as well).</p> <p>If you’re going to eat this right now, let it sit for about ten minutes so the sauce can thicken. If you’re going to eat it in twenty minutes to an hour, heat your oven to about 300 and stick the whole pot in there until you’re ready for it. Too long in the oven will totally dry up the sauce (happened to me just now). If your going to eat it tomorrow, throw it away and start fresh tomorrow. Dumbass.</p> <p>If you have leftovers, shame on you. Eat it up. But if you just can’t choke it down, stick it in the fridge. It’s just as good re-heated (not like that Kraft crap that gets al… rubbery in the microwave). </p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-74518052387383926642011-01-22T01:06:00.001-08:002011-01-27T14:33:27.252-08:00duck song<p>So…. Here. Watch this.</p> <p><iframe class="youtube-player" title="YouTube video player" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/KZnV3HpHx94" frameborder="0" width="640" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" type="text/html"></iframe></p> <p>Now watch this.</p> <p><iframe class="youtube-player" title="YouTube video player" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/bwtgAat3S9o" frameborder="0" width="640" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" type="text/html"></iframe></p> <p>And finally, here ya go: part three. This one’s different. I promise.</p> <p><iframe class="youtube-player" title="YouTube video player" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/w0wc3HcoqII" frameborder="0" width="640" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" type="text/html"></iframe></p> <p> </p> <p>So I was on <a title="The tiniest chat around." href="http://tinychat.com" target="_blank">tinychat</a> with some folks from <a title="The kongiest gate around." href="http://www.kongregate.com/" target="_blank">Kongregate</a> and one thing lead to another, tits were shone, and a guy had to sing a song. So he started the Duck Song video and sang along with it. It was funny. So I thought I’d share that magnificence with you all. Enjoy the Duck songs.</p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-47055845053868172742011-01-03T20:06:00.001-08:002011-01-03T20:06:38.329-08:00The Matrix?<p>I just finished watching The Matrix Trilogy. Wow. I forgot how badly it sucks. Lemme splain. First movie: awesome. I’ll watch it any time you want. Second movie: ditto. Adds some really interesting stuff to the story and makes it more interesting. Third movie: f*#$ing awful. Every bit as bad as Attack of the Clones, but for somewhat different reasons.</p> <p>First, let’s begin with the premise of the entire series. Why does the Matrix even exist to begin with? Human beings don’t need to be awake to produce body heat and electricity, which is why the machines need us. So why not do what the Tleilaxu do to their axlotl tanks and chemically lobotomize them to keep them in a vegetative state? For that matter, why bother with human beings at all? Why not use moose? Or whales? Both bigger than humans and therefore produce more heat. Why bother with the crumbs when you can have the feast?</p> <p>Okay. Setting aside the fact that the Matrix serves no purpose, let’s move on. Neo, as explained by the architect, is the inevitable result of the mathematical process that is the Matrix. That in itself necessitates that Neo is not a real person. He’s a mathematical quantity. He’s a computer program, just like Smith. Coupled with the fact that he retains his superpowers outside of the Matrix, the only logical explanation is: Matrix squared. Matrix within a Matrix.</p> <p>Again setting aside the fact that the existence of the Matrix makes no sense whatsoever, let’s assume that the purpose of the Matrix is as explained: keep humanity docile. make us believe everything is as it should be. Wouldn’t it be absolutely essential to have a redundancy? Do you really suppose that a machine society would not deal with humanity under the basic principle of “shit happens”? Life is unpredictable, so you need to account for every possible eventuality, including the possibility that the humans you missed in the first place are going to mount a resistance. Or, in this case, since we didn’t miss any, that they will somehow discover what’s going on. So: let them escape. They’ll think they’ve won. Only they haven’t, because they’re still in the over-matrix.</p> <p>If that’s not the case, how the hell does Neo have superpowers outside the Matrix?</p> <p>Next: Neo kills Smith, and dies in the process. Exactly what motivates the machines to not destroy Zion? The fact that the made a deal?! Are you f*&%ing kidding me?! You don’t not destroy the one thing that could possibly destroy you because you made a deal with it. Well, maybe a person does, because a person understands things like honor and friendship. Computers don’t have friends. They have “others with whom they interact,” and they don’t do anything just because they said they would. That is completely and utterly ridiculous. They say what they need to say to get their adversaries to do what they want, then strike when they’re weak.</p> <p>So… I dunno. I just felt the need to vent, and here’s as good a place as any. </p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-80286911929338394282010-12-30T17:36:00.001-08:002010-12-30T17:36:33.389-08:00my awesome hair<p>So I frequent <a href="http://www.kongregate.com" target="_blank">Kongregate</a>. I have, on occasion, had reason to post links to this blog in chat there. I don’t remember what the reason was, but a week or two ago I posted links to my <a href="http://thor-blogs.blogspot.com/2010/10/assignment-1-self-portrait.html" target="_blank">self-portraits</a> and my <a href="http://thor-blogs.blogspot.com/2010/12/photoshop-assignments.html" target="_blank">photoshop</a> post. Whatever. “Nice pics” seemed to be the catch-phrase of the day.</p> <p>Here we are, at least a week later, and I’m chatting again on Kongregate. Some guy questions my grammar (not what I said, but how I said it). So I politely said “don’t f*** with me. I’m an English teacher.”</p> <p>A lie, yes. But I always feel justified in it, and not just because it shuts most people up faster than saying I’m a Jehovah’s Witness.</p> <p>Getting back to the story: So <a href="http://www.kongregate.com/accounts/Stalcloud" target="_blank">somebody else</a> says “Thor has awesome hair tho...have you looked at his blog???”</p> <p>That was the most gloriously gratifying moment of my life. Ever.</p> <p>I suppose I will be more gloriously gratified when my teenage son looks at these photos (if fifteen or so years, when I have a teenage son) and says “damn dad. You even had great hair back then,” but until then I find it hard to believe that anything will come close.</p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-27326627235670371602010-12-09T23:12:00.001-08:002010-12-09T23:12:04.407-08:00Photoshop Assignments<p>I just sent off the last of my photoshop assignments for the semester, and thought I would share with you some of the fun ones.</p> <p>Here’s a photo of the hallway on the third floor of the Graphic Arts building.</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx674bVnj222PgW_iG3Zx6lUbn55i7sB-egVbcXhsW22AiFlaPFX9inTfRKOn_s_ZgcDNcOoeQmnnvrypJXhvBAkuItLAhb3ugQhclMXEjxG92-n6oQnnBqmY9nFTf6Z7gnmt9Yt0mIwY/s1600-h/hallway%5B9%5D.jpg"><img style="border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px" title="hallway" border="0" alt="hallway" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9sr5KCLGB-U1bB3DDS5mDOvCzFhB8AAGnwQAYastmpnzDz9puxQH9noxjLRT8XQfCYYf1ADCOywW-xS0QttH2o-tEoPWYknD9hyphenhyphen1gAwaBRMbZlHfQWeRt0K_vdJ7gbM1fIId-SX0IYuo/?imgmax=800" width="644" height="431" /></a> </p> <p>See that second window? Watch this.</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCl2MeSf595gwKk0feT_RiQKxISWOAU9xreg8WSKEzpQLVGA9H9Gko6q53_txwXtpzmzjUIVYKPOTTqPR3-cfjUvs6MhZPytp1XnO25op8xqM6SDbnzooaoU9QdLwteWWh-UkOy1Rb19I/s1600-h/vanishing%20point%5B3%5D.jpg"><img style="border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px" title="vanishing point" border="0" alt="vanishing point" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TQHSpAmN-iI/AAAAAAAAAgY/mRBdoAK5XFE/vanishing%20point_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="644" height="431" /></a> </p> <p>That was a lot more fun than it looked. Here’s my after-action report (handed in with the finished product five minutes ago).</p> <blockquote> <p align="left">First, I opened the hallway photo in lightroom (if you don’t know what Adobe Lightroom is, you owe it to yourself to find out) to adjust the lighting. I could have used photoshop's camera raw dialogue, but the lightroom interface is much more user-friendly.</p> <p align="left">Once I was satisfied with the levels, I opened the image in Photoshop and created a vanishing point grid, using the corner between the wall and the floor, as well as the corner of the wall and the ceiling for reference. I then used a combination of the patch tool, heal brush and spot heal to brick up the window.</p> <p align="left">Next I did a google image search for "framed Mona Lisa." I found a high-resolution image, which I then pasted onto the vanishing point grid. I shrank it a little, but I don't know how big the Mona Lisa actually is, so I made it look as big as a painting.</p> <p align="left">Once I had the painting positioned on the wall, I used the "fx" button on the layers panel to add a drop shadow. Finally, I used the curves dialogue to adjust the light on the painting. It still looked a little unnatural, so I used the brush tool at an opacity of 40 and a color of 64 grey (in darken mode) and went over the entire painting once.</p> </blockquote> <p align="left">Since there are undoubtedly those of you who don’t know what a “vanishing point grid” is, here’s the one I made for this project</p> <p align="left"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy_AvppSbuJujrb5Oh7bPBk0O07gom8Kzo2n11JvD2sRf9heELoG1z9mOTuPNJ4IWBvFNiIAKDyjs9Ysn7tfD9phLciRTT62FhoCyPOJDcG8kntPy_F6O6mIjktSXcafg14pflaru4Wm0/s1600-h/vanishing%20point%5B14%5D.jpg"><img style="border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px" title="vanishing point" border="0" alt="vanishing point" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TQHSqK-RzpI/AAAAAAAAAgg/AOpGVGxYRlM/vanishing%20point_thumb%5B10%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="806" height="470" /></a> </p> <p align="left">It’s a grid that not only serves as a guide for you, but also tells photoshop how to render things like… paintings that you just pasted into the image. So instead of this project taking five hours of mind-numbing skewing and transformations, it took about five minutes to setup the grid, roughly nine seconds to add the shadow, and two or three minutes to get the lighting just right on the painting.</p> <p align="left">Next: Here’s a photo that I’m not in.</p> <p align="left"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw24DvTjnpiXHrOfk_ddKvdppJ7cIORdkCbXTewTUjtYP8QwWeKrvzI0267hOUBCk6Ud8vtpFTCbIXt8E9xHcuyF_XGhPineFaft_1OuRuU5T7Wmso9mpROwQSbl3hTMYUz-39JqYgTg0/s1600-h/shadow%5B3%5D.jpg"><img style="border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px" title="shadow" border="0" alt="shadow" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2CAEpIOo1MvrmskiWrNiCqbjGJZHcdAb9lPo7uTpicvqwVpO5zNYyWVxEesJ_WjYW6rKMvkc9mfzC79TkaxzmQZw65m9LyYwSGoHeJsPdn8wjG-vxhFwcG4TGJHP5F9hOxvwH-WeA-ig/?imgmax=800" width="644" height="431" /></a> </p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>I know what you’re thinking. “Andy, you’re standing right there, just left of center. I know it’s you because your hair looks awesome.” And you’re somewhat correct. My hair is awesome. But I’m not really in this photo. The professor took a photo in the computer lab. He got up on a ladder with a camera and put a flash in the corner (or maybe he opened a window. I’m not sure because I wasn’t there). Then he took a photo of me in the portrait studio, on the same ladder with the same lighting. Then he gave me both photos and said “do.”</p> <p>So here’s what I did:</p> <blockquote> <p>I first made a selection using the quick mask method. I then copied myself from the photo in the studio into the photo of the computer lab. I immediately realized that my selection had not been good enough, so I used a layer mask to clean it up. I attempted to use gradients and fuzzy brushes to mask my hair, but success eluded me. So I gave myself a digital haircut. I removed enough hair to make masking reasonable, but left enough to allow it to still look a bit unkempt (nobody would believe a photo of me, on a school day, with great hair).</p> <p>Next, I had to shrink myself. I used what I could see of other people in the shot to judge how large I should be (mostly the hand of the woman sitting at the right edge of the frame). Once I had shrunk myself and cleaned up the layer, I duplicated it. Next I made a selection on the new layer using the easy-selection tool (I think that's what it was called. It's the one on the same button as the magic wand). Having made a selection, I filled it with black.</p> <p>I then skewed the black selection to the right by grabbing the top-center handle. I used the shadow of the monitor on the left side of the frame to judge the direction my shadow should fall. Once that was done, I added a gaussian blur, layer mask and a gradient. Then I had to throw away my shadow because I had forgotten to fix its feet and had ended my photoshop session.</p> <p>Once I had my shadow correctly positioned again, I used a black brush to connect my shadow to my feet and generally reshape it a bit to make it look natural. Next, I added a (hefty) gaussian blur to the shadow. I then duplicated the shadow layer and added an even heavier blur to the new layer. Finally, I added a layer mask to the original shadow and applied a linear gradient to it to make it blend with the second shadow layer.</p> </blockquote> <p>That was hella fun. The most awful part was my hair. Here’s the photo I started with, and the same photo with my quick mask.</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh888QYqvV8FYsmi8zMWKqap4G2A5a6c6h6EnBchDA3n4h0B_gKpipKSgCare-KhIETzRvA7aAfBoucV73I8tOCjktaL6ZrheJLrecKaGyRhkoVSyx8Vt1vu_k-DUqxGicZI9I4bpHXqRY/s1600-h/nomask%5B3%5D.jpg"><img style="border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px" title="nomask" border="0" alt="nomask" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZSv8X9o4Ia8gNLdPn21U0HjsZjciGqI-Cr5GZXZcxFVewEMww9grNWptX1APBmWD-mn4NIvnTJSYU8Up25D52Sg4PLoQOftw-Q9g6ah1W_fFVnBmysGfMhw_l7DmAPl4aSBmqRfjbu2M/?imgmax=800" width="324" height="484" /></a>  <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo6sJvVqABqR7S-fmM1toHe6IbZB0uQ2HoUG-Da1DjllJ1ucX6e8eTYNSYiL_8nxM67EhtX2pYL1L-7TC9CAJffBCxqzaTNPZAP6ZMoZATWbp-VTvyq9cr7X8UQNhPIFgYtFO7Md-jyrQ/s1600-h/layer%20mask%5B3%5D.jpg"><img style="border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px" title="layer mask" border="0" alt="layer mask" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNMhZfoHOKA2ZNbfudeyfcaeGuL_XAJiHvpJwGxt_WYDJSPk_ZiQCSPfsarWZ6Dw1JgxKEDHNZ-FMHbAlPbL7hc2e8ZZreubMl1Y1lZR9A1ivxcCjeq2ZTU-9fqt5TFICL7l32YlVM1jk/?imgmax=800" width="324" height="484" /></a> </p> <p>Zoom in on one of those and see how horrible my hair was that day. Had I known it was picture day, I would have worn a hat. Or gelled my hair back. Or something. Giving myself a digital haircut was educational and wortwhile, but man it was a bitch.</p> <p>Next is depth of field. The assignment was to create depth of field where there was once none. So I had to take a photo with my aperture closed as tight as it would go and still get decent exposure. I just happened to have my Rebel with me that day, so I walked around campus and took some long shots with stuff in them. here’s the photo I started with:</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8G_ag1_pTlwgGCpCOA0mFpv6n4_tG1Y-WfIsF8B8OYPLU6WSBazrjKncN-MolKBZzNuO7nT6E5eP4D1luW1ZVKwNHt-m8ddqWoXmrI19LVQis2Kdz_pZ0uiKUVrUSDRKYwBpulTvGUJw/s1600-h/Lamppost%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px" title="Lamppost" border="0" alt="Lamppost" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TQHStltOUkI/AAAAAAAAAhA/ZT1JsG-nOGM/Lamppost_thumb%5B2%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="1028" height="687" /></a> </p> <p>I made this one a bit bigger, so you can see clearly that you can see everything clearly. Here’s my report:</p> <blockquote> <p>I first created a new layer on top of the background and named it “sharp.” I then painted that layer white, beginning with the lamppost most in the foreground. I then expanded my sharp mask to include a wide area surrounding the lamppost and extending it across the photo.</p> <p>Next, I added a new layer and named it “128.” I painted this layer at 128 grey. I included the tree nearest the camera and the area surrounding the sharp layer. My next layer was painted at 64 and included the first tree back from the lamppost, as well as the next closest lamppost. The next layer was painted at 32 and included the next two trees. The final layer I filled with black.</p> <p>The black layer was on the bottom, with the white “sharp” layer on top. I applied a mild gaussian blur to every layer beneath the white layer, with the exception of the background. There were a couple of holes, so I painted them the color of the layer under them using the brush tool.</p> <p>Next, I merged all of my greyscale layers and copied the new mask layer to a new channel (alpha 1). returning to layer view, I hid the mask layer, showing only the background.</p> <p>Finally, I added a lens blur to the image, using Alpha 1 as my source. I cranked the focal distance to 255 and adjusted the radius until I thought the transitions between focus areas looked natural.</p> <p>It was at this point that I noticed my sharp lamppost had sharp points sticking out of it. So I canceled the lens blur and deleted alpha 1. I edited my merged mask layer with the brush tool and smoothed out the globe of the lamppost. I then copied the layer to alpha 1 again and re-applied the lens blur.</p> </blockquote> <p>And here’s my final product:</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggn9hwV5AqKlOTAN_LQz96vbro4iR0diKzmJXj-Rj1oAxeu035y53ebLxws8IZZwg54aZsIrm1MO2hQSBwurCsFA-b1GiMJW4tQojnlSR2OI6tHZ8heDU4A8S2HmL6mW4evGCoZDGR9o0/s1600-h/depth%20of%20field%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px" title="depth of field" border="0" alt="depth of field" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih0NhFD70XvVty2zrb8t4VIP-kQlETmBbmQti95sTWktk-ElMYjRs9tcd9Tf5ptNus8eaz1U8wMJwmYonJAp-s3TeSUgp3_G5TLeknmfq9lJo0NkU_Au66ft-7ero6QwxhtsAuP2eEhKY/?imgmax=800" width="1028" height="687" /></a> </p> <p>And here’s the mask layer that I drew by hand (three hours’ work), then converted to a color channel to create a variable lens blur.</p> <p><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TQHSu2OZFxI/AAAAAAAAAhM/pejmpT-UP58/s1600-h/mask%20channel%5B3%5D.jpg"><img style="border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px" title="mask channel" border="0" alt="mask channel" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyAUEcG8r5mkEkR7UjqSsAUxWTY9R0n8imKMAVCARCI9XshRaPQ-G3Dt1yTHumqtH8XyKV1KJJ1uOpLcFap4T5R2qS8rgCKMv9957g3ZZCh_DIU-OS9FP50Cml3riQ0jy7rUhznTyD8OE/?imgmax=800" width="644" height="431" /></a> </p> <p>That was fun, but damn was it time-consuming. The trees especially took a long time. Then I blurred most of them out of existence before I applied this mask. But overall I think it was worth detailing every single twig (until I got bored). So the white area is the part to which I added no blur at all. The black area received the heaviest blur, and the three grey areas got blurred differently depending on how dark a grey I used (128, 64 and 32, if anyone cares).</p> <p>This was one of the early projects. It took several weeks, but I really learned a lot from it. So here it is. First, the photo I was given. I show you this one at full size because a lot of work went into it and I want you to see everything.</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSH8cGxJ5r9Xoj_sKiOSs_iTDR1iLghjZfo0Ny2XZIYYDVeJe8CRWjAPKKXCLsY-4zod1fHpN8m8OWyDS7MrHpl7bHBMmx5fuEwRg_0f-LMw0Zt7j9MDrZjiIh8GzBx8x5osH72I7T810/s1600-h/DAD-SON%5B5%5D.jpg"><img style="border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px" title="DAD-SON" border="0" alt="DAD-SON" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXoP6roR05Wwp8lObe_knq6W0yqNoUhX0gAqn0J4dB95nRim6npLRfmQFjPMVmCW5lSE11M9jLxHW0iv3zeD4_o4uxwsPd1EyjDp2OrF60wY7M172rI2PQo0ft0WbSRn3z9wwJn_tYa64/?imgmax=800" width="866" height="1416" /></a> </p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>Here’s my finished product:</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjPelMi1weLfSGe16LRGHe0Y7RKtzEYJ6GYuCHysQOErIdrnu58qedsxXKLZNP6M0HtOSx5A-dSrS4DH0NpvCYzJo3QgNE5UhxLWxBfPvJQAkbLMTkyNt-LUwGKuoUWELpC779v45-iBg/s1600-h/DAD-SON%20with%20sky%20copy%5B3%5D.jpg"><img style="border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px" title="DAD-SON with sky copy" border="0" alt="DAD-SON with sky copy" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7ZWFJjBw6lOfc5NZCJzhuoVb2DGu4oRYSKBgY9WVhYpiJ0y69L6LewptYg6ephEEOFP-P1IMP4SRI_PpBhxYGIzwo5SKo10Z-W0Li5bQZsRtOTCkTbumcM9DRmEbkB200NpOEY2_SvLE/?imgmax=800" width="866" height="1416" /></a> </p> <p>This one is not quite perfect in certain spots, and that’s somewhat intentional. This project was handed in as a 300 dpi print, which isn’t high enough resolution for the line between the sky and the horizon to even be printed on a 4x6. Long story short, I removed the stain, repaired the rips, cleaned up the mold, squared the edges of the photo, re-colore the borders and drew the sky. Granted, the sky is a bit much. But I have the 64-bit edition of photoshop demo and the Mac-tards at school only have the 32-bit edition. So I flaunt it whenever I can. In this story, by rendering a light source (the sun) in the sky.</p> <p>My professor agreed that it was going to far, but gave me points (actual grade points, not just kudos) for taking a risk and trying something that would be either disastrous or awesome.</p> <p>There was one other assignment, but it was basically the same thing as the one where I put myself in the photo. And I didn’t do as well on it, so I won’t show it to you (at least not right now).</p> <p>So… Enjoy. Next post I write will be my abbreviated album from Arizona. I say abbreviated because over the course of the week I took almost 5000 photos. You’ll be getting the best… uh… fifty. maybe fifty. I dunno. The slideshow I showed everybody at Thanksgiving was a hundred I think. Maybe I’ll just upload that. We’ll see. Stay classy.</p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-61783038533390283252010-11-21T16:02:00.001-08:002010-11-21T16:02:48.323-08:00My first graph<p>I whipped this up over on <a href="http://nces.ed.gov/nceskids/createagraph/default.aspx" target="_blank">Create-a-Graph.</a> It seems certain people are in need of a reminder of the facts.</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6hC2vWLrSwt3Y020-EvntAzqeL8HEDe9xXTCpSrxruTM59wIOcfe1aOiHAQrGUxPL_AjJuIyHniSHLOvErIH2K7C7fRYlxaE3Y__T0tuCEzEdLrR5mDlrZWrqFiQjtiHpf_yiSna0lLE/s1600-h/graph%5B5%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="graph" border="0" alt="graph" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYGSiUyU18Z-aJQisyQQn8RGvzbmIt5msm3aOAIdFZFGbXgDpWZgkeAv2AkdlXokylgJTS6R-h_uv9dwWxONoBTRy5yi4RQPa4ugTzqvcp2ASVFpMNFrqV6hMkK90Gc3vzIF7XN6n1mYU/?imgmax=800" width="654" height="505" /></a></p> <p>And here’s the compliment:</p> <p><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TOmzJtL-qiI/AAAAAAAAAfo/8kFeaih-n9s/s1600-h/graph%20%281%29%5B3%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="graph (1)" border="0" alt="graph (1)" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TOmzJ74Hb6I/AAAAAAAAAfs/IJZ3TevQ9L4/graph%20%281%29_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="654" height="505" /></a></p> <p>Something must be working.</p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-39207404535629302162010-11-21T14:11:00.001-08:002010-11-21T14:11:10.240-08:00Truths For Mature Humans<p>So Paul C just shared this list. You know my favorite thing to do with lists, don’t you? That’s right. I like to dissect them and provide my own commentary. So here we go.</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwwGJLYYnkoGakgANBGMEq61YZyOnAmxRBULdS1w0bovqXPHog-5gUC08cx_f1-IVH57dTwM-fu_WlQM3p79Xe4crmDe7AJw6veC37WoLYApJb2Y5BaMZDl2lbEDN9WmhYSFfiId2qdbw/s1600-h/14.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="1" border="0" alt="1" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGmL-LMQUDlFoPFLuj5YotGvcjAh4YHvO_PXVmli2eJRf6Pu7VrANhi1DgQU5xtj8it3YJYV_9Ock_3CG0WjkQgNhwPakyuri7E_dvIM1Qon76vFqWIlhDyfPADJ4pgw8hDKiFutqd-qQ/?imgmax=800" width="569" height="484" /></a></p> <p>1. Totally agree. In addition, it is part of a best friend’s job to know my porn hiding place (both on my computer and in my closet). In the event of my untimely death, it is his responsibility to go to my house and remove all of my porn. I don’t need my mom or my kids knowing that I have porn. That being said, my mom reads my blog. Merry early Christmas Mommy.</p> <p>2. Agreed. That’s why I live by a rule inspired by Sun Tzu (the Art of War): “A successful army wins, then goes to war. An unsuccessful army goes to war, then seeks to win.” English translation: don’t start a fight you haven’t already won. Don’t get into an argument about something you don’t know you’re right about. If you don’t know what you’re talking about, don’t get into an argument about it. Long story short: true, but if you let that happen it’s because you’re a bad general.</p> <p>3. Nope. Disagree. Little kids don’t need naps nearly as badly as old people do. Yes, kids sometimes need naps. I bet. It’s a universal truth that kids don’t like to do all the same things old people like to do. Kids don’t like taking walks outside. Old people wish they had taken more walks outside when they were kids. That’s just stupid. I don’t wish I’d taken more walks outside when I was a kid. I wish I took more walks outside NOW. I wish I could sleep more NOW. I expressly do not take back all the times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitvU6VfcuWa5jyC4PDXPJrlQWI0uJhUnMMQ5weO_mB01KWwYpt5tMx4BPOQiw7n7dZaiXgh7DsbcTryIPehJaJvmV-Nfnzr_K8qPx8TD-5iJNdr9SUquCJl58GReRkmyARYlNSFvBa-jQ/s1600-h/25.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="2" border="0" alt="2" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji9FI5dRNM7XQKuXwJC62-NjUET0ujb09S579jeLER7eiWnlOZSRc6eVMsXDSRr62MTWKLd1TpFaam96lWBysi-ts_LHDlBIXMrXMN-BJXthCoWlxvNC0LBGJ7H0qZ6vmqgP1fmMdgetg/?imgmax=800" width="569" height="764" /></a></p> <p>4. <font face="Comic Sans MS">Oh. Is there? Do we need a sarcasm font? Do we really? Is it not enough to just assume everything on the internet is sarcastic? Or to actually use your mind-grapes once in a while to see through the obvious and determine whether or not something is sarcastic? </font>Friends, there is a sarcasm font. It is called “Comic Sans.” Some of you may disagree, but the nature of this font’s reputation makes it the perfect candidate.</p> <p>5. *sigh* You grab the sewn in corners and treat those as the corners of a rectangular sheet. This problem was solved before you ever pondered the question.</p> <p>6. No. It was unnecessary when they made you do it twenty to thirty years ago, and it’s equally necessary now. There doesn’t need to be a uniform standard for “quick, sloppy writing.” Even when there is, it doesn’t matter because everybody just writes THOSE letters even quicker and sloppier, and you still can’t read it.</p> <p>7. You know how MapQuest (you still use MapQuest? Really?) works, but you still give it your address as the starting location instead of your exit on the freeway. MapQuest (Srsly. Welcome to the 21st century. We use Google here) doesn’t need to be fixed. You need to figure out how to use it. How much do you pay the guy who ties your shoes every morning and brushes your teeth for you?</p> <p>8. I agree. Obituaries aren’t for comforting people. They’re for entertainment. Really, what informative value is there in an obituary? Anybody that needs to know probably knows already that the person has died. And if they don’t, nobody wants to find out by reading the newspaper. Make obituaries more informative.</p> <p>9. All I can say is: Wow. You’re old. I’m “not tired” all the time. Not so much during the week, but… Oh. Waitaminute. Nevermind.</p> <p>10. It depends. Nobody wants to hear about the time I put my term paper off until the last minute and failed English. On the other hand, it’s also not a good story that I put off my term paper till the last minute and got an A. But I guess this is really about REALLY bad decisions. Like that time my buddy Pete and I dropped acid while we were on safari in Kenya. THAT adventure gave new meaning to the phrase “commune with the beast.”</p> <p>11. Yup. happens. Happened to me at school the other day. I spent three hours pasting myself into a picture in Photoshop. Then I had to go to my InDesign lab. I hate InDesign. It is junk. It’s a toy. It’s desktop publishing for soccer moms, and it doesn’t even conform to the same standards as all the other Adobe products. So I started working on my assignment, finished it, started the next one, ejected my thumb drive, shut down InDesign, put all my stuff away, turned off the monitor and just stared at it for an hour and a half.</p> <p><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TOmY9dRCd2I/AAAAAAAAAfE/cWQ_bSGezjQ/s1600-h/36.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="3" border="0" alt="3" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO50JR0drdd8EUDK3V4BbgI425MudFUpgiayTqfi0ltYH6oznjLBlPrdqaax5zfNM0Z_2-CHV8lNVKoHFVPD7kvjaOsidjB8OplPubl53IPer4vxAzExWup5KW0DA8eZ_yn2yAEb7NxxM/?imgmax=800" width="569" height="999" /></a></p> <p>12. Yes. Do that. I’ll just have one more person to laugh at and call a troglodyte. If you’re okay with technology just stopping so you can save a little money every ten years, you can stop wasting the oxygen you’re stealing from the rest of us.</p> <p>13. Okay… Then click “no” and shut up.</p> <p>14. Yeah that’s fairly true. With the exception of suits. my suits get washed… twice a year. Even the raincoat I just bought for my Spike Halloween costume is machine-washable.</p> <p>15. Srsly. So ya know what I do? When my phone rings, I look at who’s calling, decide whether I’m going to answer, then press the appropriate button on my phone. Honestly. Who still misses phone calls accidentally?</p> <p>16. What kind of narcicist cares who sees them, as long as somebody does? Vanity knows no “important people.” I walk out of my house looking great every day, because I know SOMEBODY will see me. If watching Heroes has taught me anything, it’s thah you never know who will turn out to be “important” later.</p> <p>17. I used to do that. Once again I say: “Welcome to the 21st century. We have Google.” Anybody I don’t want to talk to has their own separate voicemail message that says something similar to “stop f*&#ing calling me!”</p> <p>18. I completely agree. That’s racist. Tall people need to see in the cold too.</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSHGs7OJO6fyidRwPgketOwrPZ8Z_UyqQk3LmWe9O2wcWLqWfFqR2yiSSCya29Im9RE9wVDNlOCXYkB7KGpLllkbTpbQ_brmYd4916deeb6HF3UhOcUVICeKvTtRoGw-qhWhKFvwilRGs/s1600-h/44.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="4" border="0" alt="4" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TOmY-j-xkDI/AAAAAAAAAfQ/EbljaIPgRMA/4_thumb2.jpg?imgmax=800" width="569" height="879" /></a></p> <p>19. I bet more kisses begin with Rohipnol.</p> <p>20. Yeah. I must concur with my esteemed internet colleague. I guess. On the other hand, I don’t really get nervous driving through anywhere. I wish Google maps had an option for “don’t show me any search results in a ghetto.”</p> <p>21. Two words: Battlestar Galactica. Two more words: the Last Unicorn.</p> <p>22. Get a radio flyer.</p> <p>23. Um. Okay. Nobody likes red lights, and everybody knows this. What are you trying to say here?</p> <p>24. O. M. G. Sooooooooooooo true. I almost can’t watch TV without a snack or a laptop.</p> <p>25. I believe it appropriate to say “what?” once before you switch to “get the dick out of your mouth.” If somebody is that hard to understand, they need to be shamed into speaking properly. If they have a physical handicap, you instead say “I’m sorry. I’m having a really hard time understanding you. Could you talk a little slower?” If you’re in a loud place, “smile and nod” is appropriate. On the other hand, why aren’t you wearing earplugs? Then you’d be able to hear the person just fine.</p> <p> </p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFTAPxf1vZS90yLtkHg4C_zfkRrgJPCez5IpM033Pu6cWHoBWHnm6rG6b9c9zHMQq6oToMWWn6viVuGntkYS2cvzCMcVvyKpJJAFEiyNRmt3cZ_8N1_4EZtEcDAhColkMZ2J7l0Q1aHlA/s1600-h/53.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="5" border="0" alt="5" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPVbjmdc4DUEIySjl1zyV66dy5YIDTiq8cJW8j1RD5dkRLyzDSX7_AMkg_AeaAGbZK2ZA3MZtihrRa0oF58Fx-cPkruFz8KP0zubVjndZfkBv9x4b6_LUYwhVZe4E4zeww20nMfSg-sGU/?imgmax=800" width="569" height="1115" /></a></p> <p>26. I’ve never had that happen. My philosophy in any driving situation is “I let one guy in.” If two lanes are merging down to one, I get over two miles in advance when the start putting up signs that say “lane closed: 2 miles.” So all those people who keep zooming down the lane that’s closing: one of you is getting in front of me, then I’m clamping my teeth on his bumper and not letting go until the lane opens up again.</p> <p>27. That is a fallacy. Pants don’t get dirty the same way shirts do. Shirts get dirty after being worn once. Pants get dirty when they’re dirty. Just to be safe, I change pants every Saturday, whether they’re dirty or not.</p> <p>28. It’s just you. Do you think three-year-olds get dumber every year too? The thing about high school kids is: they’re the same age every year. they just don’t get any smarter.</p> <p>29. I actually LOVE that feeling and try to duplicate it after it happens by accident. It never works.</p> <p>30. I hate bicyclists that don’t know the rules. You’re not a pedestrian: get off the f*&#ing sidewalk. You drive in the road. You signal your turns, and you observe the traffic lights. I don’t move over on the sidewalk for bikes. Well, I do in Springfield, but I hate myself for it.</p> <p>31. I used to do that. Now I just don’t look at my watch unless I care what time it is. That way I remember.</p> <p>32. No on all counts. I always have trouble snoozing my alarm clock. And mine doesn’t even have a button. It’s the kind you just tip over to snooze.</p> <p>So… that was fun for me. Was it good for you too?</p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-6318874701373757822010-11-19T19:55:00.001-08:002010-11-19T21:43:55.711-08:00First Trip to the Product Studio<p>So today was my first time in the college’s product studio. That’s the smallest of the three studios, used mainly for product shots. The assignment was to shoot two different pieces of glassware and get both white-line and black-line shots. I had a lot of fun using the Canon EOS Utility to shoot from the computer so I didn’t have to touch the camera for those long exposures (took one at three seconds).</p> <p>During the demo, when he was showing us all how to shoot glass and offering suggestions as to how to setup the lighting, the professor told us that expensive glassware makes for better photos, and that very expensive crystal would yield the very best results. He said that when he had to shoot glassware at RIT 40 years ago, what he did was went to Macy’s and bought some. He brought it to the studio, took it out of the box, shot it, put it back in the box still in perfect condition, and returned it to the store.</p> <p>I thought that was a fantastic idea. I’ve done similar things in the past, and planned to do just that. Kerry thought it was a good idea too. She just didn’t want to front the money. So I grabbed a Reidel stemless white wine glass and a Disaronno funny-shaped shot glass out of my liquor cabinet and shot those. I also brought a plain ol’ rocks glass, a rocks glass shaped like the shot glass (which you will see in a moment), and a bulb-shaped, cork-sealed bottle (like you would expect a mana potion to be in) I bought at Michael’s two weeks ago for this express purpose.</p> <p>I was only scheduled for an hour in the studio, and figured for fifteen minutes to clean up (I didn’t plan to make a mess, but everything had to be put away before I left). And since I wanted to get both white lines and black lines (you’ll see what that means in a minute), I only had time to shoot the two pieces.</p> <p>Those being the facts, I did show up about fifteen minutes early, and there was no one signed up for the slot before mine. So I got in a little early and had a few minutes to get acquainted with my new friend, the Canon EOS 30D, and his friend, the EF 24-85 mm lens.</p> <p>I noticed a few differences between this setup and my Rebel. The most infuriating was the viewfinder. I don’t know if it’s the lens or the camera, but when I looked through it, everything was grainy, which made it something of a chore to focus properly. When I have problems focusing my Rebel, I use the autofocus to help me by holding the trigger halfway done and waiting for the red light to light up. That didn’t work here because of the lower lighting conditions I was working with in the studio. The other big difference is the power switch. I do not like the power switch on the D models. They have “off,” “on,” and “-.” I don’t know what “-” is for, but every time I wanted to turn the switch to “on,” I flipped it all the way past “on” to “-.” So that was mildly annoying. Also, the D series have an LCD display on top, whereas the Rebel uses the preview screen to display all the same data. I like that a lot, since it uses a lot less power to run that little LCD than it does to light up the whole preview screen.</p> <p>First, let me explain the setup. I had two hospital tables (just like the ones they serve your lunch on) at the same height, about three feet apart, with a heavy slab of plate glass laying across them. Behind that was a big drape of white paper. behind the paper was a big triple-bulb light. with a reflector on the back and a diffuser on the front. The line you see in the background of these photos is the back edge of the plate glass. In a couple of them I hadn’t zoomed in quite far enough, so I had to crop out a little bit of the tables.</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ_vriZAlz-pry4IQcZX7xLX4tOy0t1CSRIEhLOLS4sqalhAuSCkjD3tF2QzyNcS11tNSwzfOVKbsEcAy2_ChhdKzEHZIBG0hnYSJlH_9T2G-UaPuackrobgVFAO1gzdXQVL3pfX4AhvY/s1600-h/Glassware-0001shopped2.png"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="Glassware-0001shopped" border="0" alt="Glassware-0001shopped" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgScRCpevIiKYwu1x_lmMZjkWhinZM7ovWSYJapbbYafYXr1oNXJr-qw00B77-WvMhlLn1p5fHXM_9ATTI1Dl5jlyu54_UBoARO2NJu_SB6duzaRg68bW3xX0resa-Y-p67kKy3AemzjJg/?imgmax=800" width="1028" height="687" /></a></p> <p>This is the first shot I took, and I think it turned out to be one of the best. The way I have the glass turned, it gives that pleasing curve to the reflection. The later shots either have a straight line across the glass, or the curve is pretty wonky. For this first shot, I had the light pretty far back from the paper barrier, so the lighting is pretty even.</p> <p><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TOdf_PEOIOI/AAAAAAAAAdQ/Z13yKuXk89Y/s1600-h/Glassware-0011shopped1.png"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="Glassware-0011shopped" border="0" alt="Glassware-0011shopped" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixWNFU6uo0iTSMVBg-no8HzYHVkTGNom63BAxWescg-TIVAia2TzfhJlsXhdowJOHSlOr0c9J-FisaZoG8xyrWcOy9JTaH0IFU2PuSa2jFNZihrG0tM4uzQBwlwLuJBnwAIiNYZpmGC7w/?imgmax=800" width="1028" height="687" /></a></p> <p>For this shot, I moved the light much closer. Maybe four or five inches away from the paper, so there’s a pretty distinct halo. I should have also lowered the light, so that the center of the halo is right on the “horizon,” but this shot still came out pretty well.</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhchkWcQYO2eworel4fvFW1OMfRgndy1x5S4fFx6l80tpydBjOp8G7n8yrvd_bRtHFHqGrXtiij51-H-r8hWDjnTG1GKMpLvdY4goIuQAzl5j7wKTioH5y-cXtoNARxzA3bnwlOQ482v7E/s1600-h/Glassware-0017shopped1.png"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="Glassware-0017shopped" border="0" alt="Glassware-0017shopped" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TOdgChwuBtI/AAAAAAAAAdg/DGaSDjkkorg/Glassware-0017shopped_thumb1.png?imgmax=800" width="1028" height="736" /></a></p> <p>For this shot, there was a big piece of black construction paper taped to a light stand. So I put it between the white paper backdrop and the subject to get this nice “white” line effect. The blue tint here is the way every single shot turned out today. I have no idea why that is. The room didn’t look blue, there was no filter on either the lens or the light. For most shots, I just fixed the white balance… Shit. That’s what it was. I didn’t check the white balance on the camera before I started shooting. Somebody was probably playing with the white balance, or was shooting under fluorescent lighting, or some other such thing, and just didn’t reset the white balance to auto. Damn. Oh well. Mystery solved. Now I know to check that in the future.</p> <p>Anywho… For this shot, I left it blue because it gives the nifty impression that the shot glass is carved out of ice.</p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnVH_M_oLB929Xv5IXEkZzP05g67t6QuTloPntvnL_yJNTUl4x8C_jZCNOJQmoMFNLXECuWiz0rSoqwdkZvR9KFbzxWMKkpQsB2QfJ87xnxKeH1cItKOBwMzLZaQ_ouBL3Gz3MRchmdfs/s1600-h/Glassware-0027%5B1%5D.png"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="Glassware-0027" border="0" alt="Glassware-0027" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TOdgD5OAekI/AAAAAAAAAdo/h-3NnwfLGAY/Glassware-0027_thumb%5B1%5D.png?imgmax=800" width="1028" height="687" /></a></p> <p>Like I said, I wanted to get white and black line shots of each glass. So here’s my white line (or “dark field”) shot of the wine glass. Clearly visible in this shot are the reflections of every damn thing in the studio.On the left is the computer screen, and on the right… a roll of brown paper towel standing next to a red and white bottle of glass cleaner. I really should have paid closer attention to this early on. I did eventually discover that this was happening, but I had apparently already used up my quota of good shots for the day. This is the only shot that photoshop has never touched. In the other shots, the glassware was dirty, or the plate glass “tabletop” was dusty (the first thing I did once I got the tables setup was wipe down the plate glass), and that had to be fixed (using the spot heal brush and the patch tool). I tried taking the computer screen off the glass in this shot, but it just made the reflections in the right side look more pronounced.</p> <p><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_ZYc9-qI-Dp4/TOdgE08VB4I/AAAAAAAAAds/3Bh4w74sI0s/s1600-h/Glassware-1shopped%5B1%5D.png"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="Glassware-1shopped" border="0" alt="Glassware-1shopped" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5SchnsknJ21fSHNkAg2oSP63E8nEjaqaOOIhHgWkzwz5gB12STyIOk8HUw7HHBbWnsXtz_2nYArVX8O-JX619bLk14fjU4kxmIOBE-fwY9dq45Lzqyrscc6Iah-ZQgKubX5S4-dcwCQU/?imgmax=800" width="1028" height="687" /></a></p> <p>I started cleaning up, got all my gear packed up (the glassware, my memory card, etc: all MY stuff), then decided to get one last shot. So I plopped my Kindle (gently) down on the glass, turned the camera back on, focused on the leading edge, and snapped it. Just for fun. I might go back and take out the “horizon” line in this one.</p> <p>So that’s my first venture into the product studio. If I can manage to get in there again before this assignment is due (highly unlikely), I’ll reshoot the dark-field wine glass, but I’ll remember to clear the tables and turn off the monitor when I click the shutter. Next week, it’ll be portraits in the mixed-use studio. I probably won’t get those up here until after Thanksgiving. But I might. We’ll see. Seacrest out.</p> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-314338408594443818.post-55619942377323477182010-10-31T23:12:00.001-07:002010-10-31T23:12:04.234-07:00Tea Nazi Rant.<div style="margin: 1em; width: 310px; display: block; float: right" class="zemanta-img"><a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Reichsadler.svg"><img style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; display: block; border-top: medium none; border-right: medium none" alt="Coat of Arms of the NSDAP and "Deutsches ..." src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/fd/Reichsadler.svg/300px-Reichsadler.svg.png" width="300" height="196" /></a> <p style="font-size: 0.8em" class="zemanta-img-attribution">Image via <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Reichsadler.svg">Wikipedia</a></p> </div> <p>This is a rant. It is a rant about republicans and religion in general. It’s pretty heavy at the end. If you’re not in the mood to be depressed and/or pissed off, don’t read it. You have been warned.</p> <p>Saying you believe in separation of church and state doesn’t make it okay to try and get the government involved in religion. Either the government can legislate religious issues or it can’t. Marriage is an institution of religion. If you think the government should be allowed to say anything about it, you don’t believe in separation of church and state. The end.</p> <p>It’s okay to not want church and state to be separate. They’ve got religious government all over the middle east. Just look how happy everyone is. There’s no drinking, no gambling, no singing in public, no women without hats, no pornography and (best of all) NO FAGS!! Sounds like paradise to me. Christianity was a driving political force throughout the middle ages. Science was illegal and everybody was just so damn happy.That’s why there were so many <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crusades" target="_blank">crusades</a>. People were just so happy and so excited to share the love of Christ that they went to the middle east and killed people (people who worshipped they same God they did) for worshipping a different God than they did.</p> <p>The structure of the American government is based around the idea that religion and government in the same building is a bad idea. Don’t you dare say America was founded on Christian morals, or I’ll put you in jail for coveting your neighbor’s ass (the Old Testament will stop counting when you take it out of the “holy book.” But that’s a whole other topic).</p> <p>But this is all ancillary to the big picture. The religious, conservative republican party is the same beast that every Christian political force before it has been: rich people trying to get richer by saying the right things to maintain their power base. That’s what religion is. Religion isn’t about God, and it’s not about salvation. Those are just the tools it most often uses to keep people under its thumb. It’s about money and it’s about power. I think no one understood the power of religion better than <a class="zem_slink" title="L. Ron Hubbard" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L._Ron_Hubbard" rel="wikipedia">L. Ron Hubbard</a>, who said: “I don’t want to make money writing science fiction. If I wanted to make money, I’d start a religion.”</p> <p>One person doesn’t have a religion. One person has faith, and there’s nothing evil or insidious about that. There’s nothing wrong with believing in Jesus or Mohammed or Buddha (etc.), or even Xenu. Religion is a corporate stupidity. Religion is saying “I believe what you tell me because you’re smarter than me. Anybody who disagrees with you is wrong because I believe what you tell me.”</p> <p>Here’s what I’m talking about: There are actual Christians out there who honestly believe that the Bible doesn’t contradict itself. You cannot have read very much of the Bible and still believe that. In one bit, God says “don’t kill anybody.” In another bit not too far away from that, God says “go over there and kill everybody. Yes, even the women and children.” He even sends an angel (or at least, a guy from out of town. And I’m not being glib: it’s genuinely unclear) to lead the charge. That’s just my favorite example. There are others as well.</p> <p>“But the Bible is the word of God, so it can’t possibly contradict itself. You’re taking it out of context.” I thought that’s what the Bible was for: taking bits out of context and making them say whatever is convenient to make your point. That’s what every guy I’ve ever seen quote it on TV does. That’s why there’s so much of it: to discourage the common people from reading it so the priests can tell them what it says and what it means. For a while that didn’t happen as much as in the good ol’ days, but now we’ve come full circle.</p> <p>That’s what the Nazi party was in the 1930’s, and that’s what the tea nazi party is today: religion. That’s why religious political movements are always (ALWAYS!) anti-education. The German nazis burned books, and so do the American ones. Because anyone who has a mind inquisitive enough to seek education knows they’re full of shit and sees that they’re just saying whatever they have to say to get and keep power. Just like Hitler. Hitler didn’t hate Jews. He didn’t hate anybody. He just needed an object to put the hate on, and Jews were convenient. They were everywhere, so anywhere he needed to go he could get people hating them. Just like the tea party (and the rest of American Christendom) is doing with anyone who doesn’t have a traditional sexual orientation (even those who’s physiology prohibits it).</p> <p>And before someone calls me on it: I know there are Christians in America who aren’t total assholes. For every Christian I know who is a complete waste of genetic material, I know at least one who is worth their salt. But as long as you call yourself a Christian, you choose to allow bigots and hate-mongers to be your public voice. I base my judgements on what I see and hear. That’s all I can do. So you have to be just as loud as they are when you say “he doesn’t speak for me,” or nobody hears it, which is why people hate you for being a Christian, and why I had to stop doing it.</p> <p>And it’s going to work. They’re going to win. The tea nazis are going to gain power, they are going to become a major force in the government, and the next world war is going to be everbody against us. But this time, it won’t be a nation trying to conquer its neighbors. It will be a new crusade (because we didn’t learn anything from the old ones) to conquer the world in the name of Jesus. It’ll be just like Command & Conquer. We’ll be Nod. I’ll put money on the fact that we’ll even wear red (you can’t be a Christian army and not wear some red. It’s the rules).</p> <p>Why will this happen? Because half of us are too stupid to know any better and the other half don’t care enough to do anything about it. Just like nobody in Germany cared enough to stop Hitler before he rose to power, even though they knew it was likely togo wrong. They were all too excited about a re-ignited German nation to care about how they got there.</p> <p>And just like the allied forces did to the citizens in the towns with concentration camps in them, whoever finally beats us is going to make us walk through the re-education centers where we sent all the atheists and all the gays. They’re going to line us up in front of the ditches where the bodies of all the people who were tortured to death or killed themselves because they couldn’t handle the torture any more are rotting because there are so many they can’t be buried or incinerated fast enough. They’re going to point their guns at us and make us look at all the death. And they’re going to say “you did this. This is your fault. You are as responsible for all of this as the men at the top because you let them do it.” All the stupids will have joined the army, so the only ones left to be marched through the camps will be those of us who know that it really is all our fault.</p> <p>Am I really the only person who sees this? Am I crazy? Someone please convince me that I’m completely out of my mind and that history doesn’t really repeat itself like every history teacher who ever lived says it does. Someone show me how the tea party is different from the nazi party. Maybe all the news coverage just makes it feel like it’s a greater problem than it really is. And if I’m not wrong, what’s a guy to do? I don’t want this to happen. What can I do to make it not? Vote? Right. Because my vote counts. Run for office? Right. Because I could get the support of a major party or am independently wealthy enough to run my own political campaign. Pray? Oh, I do. And, as previously noted, my vote counts. So this is what keeps me up at night. How about you?</p> <div style="margin-top: 10px; height: 15px" class="zemanta-pixie"><a class="zemanta-pixie-a" title="Enhanced by Zemanta" href="http://www.zemanta.com/"><img style="border-bottom-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; float: right; border-left-style: none" class="zemanta-pixie-img" alt="Enhanced by Zemanta" src="http://img.zemanta.com/zemified_c.png?x-id=847db08b-f9bc-465c-bc9e-f718ff8974bc" /></a></div> Thorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01702255859416716456noreply@blogger.com17