You need to know

Here is the article. That is all. Maybe we’ll finally get the deleted scenes from A New Hope as well.

Keep shopping at Target

So here’s another blog entry about something PaulC shared on Google Reader. Here’s the link.

Given the choice between Target and Wal-Mart, I'm still shopping at Target. From the "apologized" link (star tribune):

"Target is known in Minnesota for helping sponsor the annual Twin Cities Gay Pride Festival."

This was clearly a matter of "we should have known people would take it this way." This was not a political statement by Target against gay rights. It was a fumble that is being spun to look like such a statement. This is alarmist propaganda. I support gay rights, but Target isn't anti-gay. Should they be more careful about who they give money to? Maybe. Am I going to stop shopping there because they gave money to a Republican? Don't be ridiculous.

I personally don’t think it’s cool for corporations to give money to politicians. I actually don’t think it’s okay for anyone to give money to politicians. But that’s the way it is. People give money to politicians so that, when they get elected, they’ll be nice to the people they got money from. That’s how i

Know where I don't go? Cracker Barrel. Cracker Barrel transparently (if not openly) doesn't hire gays. That's what a corporate anti-gay rights statement looks like. Target gave money to a politician who's economic policies they support. It just happens that he is also anti-gay. They should have thought it through more thoroughly, but they're not anti-gay. How reactionary-alarmist can you possibly be?

From the "donations" link (huffington post), regarding the image in the article: "As has been pointed out to me, yes, the Open Secrets figures here do not necessarily mean anything other than deep-pocketed individual employees of Target are making personal contributions to these ballot initiatives."

First of all, “deep-pocketed” is a pretty subjective term, I suppose. Four thousand dollars doesn’t seem to me to be that much money for a large group of people to donate to a thing. That being said, Target employees can do whatever they want with their money. You can hardly get upset because Target employs backward-thinking Republicans.

But all of this doesn’t matter. Here’s the issue: Target gave money to a Republican candidate. That doesn’t make them anti-gay any more than buying Manischewitz wine makes you a Jew. You can’t nitpick a company’s political contributions every time you decide where you’re going to shop. I don’t know what political contributions Dunkin’ Donuts has made, but that’s where I get my coffee. Because it’s better than their competitors’ coffee. Target gave money to a guy who was going to do well for them if he got elected. That’s all. I give money to the Humane Society because I like animals. I neither know nor care whether they support gay rights, big government or sound fiscal policy. That’s not what I pay them for. I pay them to take care of animals, which they do.

Bottom line: you can’t hate me because the Humane Society is anti-semitic (which I’m not saying they are). That would be ridiculous. A boycott on Target is exactly the same thing. So just chill out, have a Dunkaccino, and decide whether you really want to walk through a Wal-Mart.

Flame on.

Why You Shouldn’t Bother With Southern Girls

So PaulC shared this article in the Google Reader. As is wont to happen, it made me mad. Please read it first, or this will all make no sense at all. In fact, do yourself a favor and keep it open in the other window so you can refer back and forth.

Are you back? Good. Now here is my point-by-point response to the above article.

1. I stand up for an old person, an injured person, and a person who's been waiting longer than me. Gender plays no part.

2. This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. First of all: I wasn’t aware that the Securities and Exchange Commission had a football team. Second: Who the hell cares? You seriously won’t date a guy who likes a different football team than you? That’s as arbitrary as saying you won’t date a guy who doesn’t like bananas.

3. I don't use women's lib as an excuse for anything, and killing bugs is the cat's job. Don't have a cat? Don't come cryin' to me. I respect life in all its forms (and I’m a little afraid of bugs), so I don’t kill anything that’s not trying to kill me unless I’m going to eat it.

4. I do hold doors open. For everybody. I don't hold the door open while someone walks across the parking lot, and I don't stand up to open the door. If I'm near a door and someone walks toward it, whether it’s an old lady, a toddler, my dad or the delivery girl, I open it. The notion that I should hold a door open especially for a woman is demeaning (to me, not them). If a woman without her arms full of things stands and waits for me to open the door for her, she’s shit outta luck. Because that’s just the kind of passive-aggressive son-of-a-bitch I am.

5. Somebody who knows better than I do weigh in, but I feel like any porch that goes up in a day is probably not going to live very long. Also, there are guys who build stuff. Ya know: professionals. They're good at it because they do it all day every day. Support a small business: pay one of those guys to build your stuff for you. That being said, I do enjoy building stuff. But when you want something done right, you pay somebody else to do it for you.

6. Keep your muddy boots out of my house/apartment. Boots are for doing hard work and traversing difficult terrain. If you're not doing either of those things, take 'em off. You look like a moron. That goes for “fancy, l-paid-$l,000-for-these” boots as well.

7. I'll agree not to wear my hat inside when you agree not to wear your bra inside. I feel that to be equally arbitrary. If I’m wearing a hat, it’s for a reason. When that reason goes away, my hat comes off. Unless I don’t have anywhere to put it. I don’t take my hat off just so I can hold it in my hand and look like and idiot. I don’t take it off when I pray, and I don’t take it off for the national anthem (except on special occasions) Shoes go on your feet, and hats go on your head. If you’re holding a hat in your hand, you’re an idiot. Put that thing on your head and use your hands for hand jobs (pun intended).

8. Really? You need a man to do your grillin' for you? I won't argue against fire being the undisputed best way to cook everything, but if you can't figure that shit out for yourself, you're gonna be one of the second wave of zombies.

9. Wow. Where have your standards gone? If a man’s not interested enough in you to show up wherever you are with flowers, you need to say no. That being said, I don’t especially like flowers. So when you show up to ask me out (in person), you can bring me chocolates, beer, red wine, or an interesting rock/plant/bug you found on your way here. Poetry is also acceptable, but if it’s cute you’re getting slapped.

10. Welcome to the 18th century. I find it mildly off-putting (bordering on creepy) when another man does this. He's basically saying "I was taught how to behave in the presence of a lady." Then I get a glare for "being an asshole" because I didn’t stand up. Sorry, no. He’s the asshole for making everyone else feel uncomfortable, while he pisses on our social contract. When the queen (but not the president or the pope. Well… maybe the pope) leaves or comes back to the table, I'll stand. On a date, when you come back from the ladies', I'm not putting down my beer.

11. Okay. I do that. But only sometimes, and only when we first get to a place. That being said, scoot your own ass in. If I have to do it for you, you're getting a booster seat and wearing a bib. Also, I’m informing the wait-staff that today is your thirtieth (or fiftieth, whichever seems more embarrassing) birthday.

12. This is bullshit, and has always been bullshit. I pick up a lot of tabs, and about half the time there are no women even watching me do it. Also: if you ask me out, you'd better expect to pay for the date. I might pay for it because I want to, but when the bill comes, you better try to snatch it away from me. Otherwise there probably won't be a second date. Nothing displays a lack of class so well as inviting someone out and then expecting them to pay for you.

13. STFU. If you don't like the way a guy dresses or does his hair, don't agree to go on a date with him. Or, rise above your base instinct and discover the person under the faux-hawk.

14. Understanding that I tend away from physical violence, I do feel that slapping a person (man or woman) square in the face is the appropriate thing to do when they mis-behave in public. Don’t punch. Punching someone in the face is a direct challenge to physical combat. Someone punches me in the face, a fight just started. Slapping someone in the face, while not damaging or necessarily painful, is always (ALWAYS) humiliating. If I slap someone and then they punch me in the face, they started the fight, not me. That’s pretty much universally-accepted. That being said, if someone slaps me in the face, my immediate reaction is generally to reciprocate in kind. But I don’t mis-behave in public. So, according to the rules that I have just made up, that should never happen.

15. In general, okay. But because I'm feeling obstinate: I'm not your slave. Drink it the way I make it or make it yourself. That also applies to any meal or other food prepared by me. If you don't like what I made, go make yourself something else.

Just what is the opposite of a chauvinist? Women aren't better than men, and they don't deserve special treatment. The fact that they got it for so many years should be considered reparation for the fact that they weren't thought of as people. You can vote and wear pants or you can be treated like children. Not both. That being said, when a man and a woman go on a date, it's about politics, not gender. One of them wants something from the other and a certain amount of ass-kissing is not unreasonable. But the fact that they expect and demand it is a gross mis-conception of the situation.

Now that I’ve gotten all that out: is all this stuff good advice for a man on a date? With the exception of rooting for the Southern English Channel football team, yes. Is it fair that women expect it? No.

The Bechdel Test

Watch this video first, then listen while I discuss it. Then I guess you can comment.

I'm all for positive role models for young women. I'm all about women being equal to men in every reasonable measure (penis size is not a reasonable measure). But, in my opinion (without putting too much thought into it), movies that do pass this test tend to suck. I say that not because I can think of examples of movies that are bad, but because I can't think of a movie I like that passes this test. Hold on while I go through my DVD rack.

Okay. That was unfair. Nineteen movies (out of 173) movies passed the test. I didn't count TV shows, but I did count "Razor," the BSG middle-of-the-series "standalone" movie. I also didn't count Wall-E, which was generous of me, since they counted it as one against, which isn't fair because that was a movie about robots, which have no gender. None of the human characters had names. Notable movies that pass the test: Aliens, Breakfast Club, Center Stage, Crouching Tiger, Hannibal, Harry Potter, The Holiday, Kill Bill, Starship Troopers and Zoolander. Notable movies that did not pass the test: Anchorman, Count of Monte Cristo, Dances With Wolves, Dune, Love Actually, Jaws, The Hobbit, Predator, Pride & Prejudice, Star Trek (pick one), Tron, Twilight and Underworld. Good movies and shitty movies on both lists. Movies that portray women positively and negatively on both lists. Chick flicks, horror films and action movies on both lists. I just have to ask: What is the purpose of this test?

I have an idea. Women: for the next week, every time you talk to another woman that has a name (someone you know, not the bank teller or the traffic cop), make a note about whether or not a man comes up in the course of your conversation. I bet (with no agenda) that it will be pretty close, but that men (or a man in particular) will come up in more than half of your conversations with other women.

The sad fact is that (as much as it pains to give in to feminazi propaganda) we do still live in a male-dominated society. Things are getting "better," but it's still the case. Statistically speaking, it's more likely for your boss to be a man. It's more likely for the doctor to be a man, and it's more likely for the cop who pulled you over to be a man. (I feel like) Any person that you don't know with whom you are required to interact is more likely to be a man than a woman. So when you talk about your dentist appointment, or your trip to Best Buy, your asshole boss, or the cop who pulled you over, you're talking about a man.

So is it fair for movies to portray women as "always talking about men?" Yes and no. If you think it's okay for Alec Baldwin to smoke a cigar on 30 Rock, then it's pretty hypocritical to say it's not cool that Tina Fey and Jane Krakowski are always talking about their male co-workers. If, on the other hand, you think it's not cool for Alec to smoke on the show, because he's telling people that it's okay to smoke, then you subscribe to the idea that Americans are mostly children who need to be taught right from wrong. In that case, I can't call you a hypocrite for wishing that Tina and Jane would talk about something other than their co-workers (who are all men), on a show about how they interact with their co-workers. In this instance, I feel totally justified in calling you an ass, but I would be well outside any justification to call you a hypocrite.

Just to be clear, my reaction to this video is somewhere in the neighborhood of “who cares?” but I do think it’s worth a discussion.

So what do the rest of you (all three of you that read my blog) think? What’s the purpose of this test? How many movies on your shelf pass the test?

The Last Airbender

Image via Wikipedia

I have much to say.

I liked the movie. I didn’t love it, but I liked it. I’m really happy that the kid who played Zuko in the series got his part in the movie. The rest of the actors: meh. I like seeing Jackson Rathbone in more movies, since he was horrible in Eclipse and I really want to like him. In this, he was good. Again, not great, but good.

If you’ve seen the show, don’t bother watching the movie. Nothing new. It was fun to see a live-action film of the great story, but I expect a lot more when I see “written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan.”

The fights were well-choreographed, the bending was well-done, and the movie kept pretty well to the plot of the show. But there was very little character development. Bottom line: the plot was too much story for a two-hour movie. I feel like this was a six-hour epic that got hacked down to two hours. I hope that’s the case, because then when the DVD comes out, there will be a director’s cut with all the character development and Apa’s and Momo’s names back in.

As it stands, this was a movie about Zuko that focused a bit on Aang. What little character development there was focused on the prince, but the Avatar had more screen time (I think).

It was cool in 3D, and it added a bit of fun to the film without any of the gliche gimmicks.

I’d say see it, especially if you’re a fan of the series, but it felt a bit like watching the third Harry Potter movie. There was nothing new, and all the good stuff was pulled out to make it fit into two hours.

What Grinds My Gears

If you’re  my grandma, stop reading now. Skip this one. Take a day off from loving everything I write.

Is grandma gone? Good.

If one more person calls uses the phrase “silver screen” to refer to the modern motion picture industry, I’m going to eat a baby. I’m going to marinate it in a soy ginger sauce, barbecue it on the Charmglow grill in the courtyard outside my apartment, and eat it with some broccoli and rice. STOP CALLING IT THE SILVER SCREEN!!!

This has been pissing me off for a long time, but I’ve just had a bottle of wine and just read a synopsis on Netflix that called Eddie Izzard a star of the silver screen. I’m going to fucking murder a puppy and broil it with some bacon. I’m going to put a baby racoon’s head on the side of the curb and stomp on it. I’m going to shoot a howler monkey in the eye with a high-caliber handgun and then punt it off a bridge.

Let me be clear. The “silver screen” is a phrase that was used to refer to movies when the screen was, ya know, FUCKING SILVER!!! Black & white. Humphrey Bogart was a star of the silver screen. Brad Pitt is not. It was called the silver screen because a black and white movie looks like it’s being projected on a screen that is literally silver.

Now that motion pictures are filmed and displayed in color, you can’t call it that anymore. You can call it the big screen. You can’t call it the silver screen, because it’s not fucking sliver.

Grandma, if you read all that: Sorry, but I warned ya.

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The Truth IS Out There

First off, and with having no pertinence to this post, I can’t put italics in my titles. This one should be “The Truth is Out There.” On with the show.

Wow. For the past few weeks, I’ve been getting the X-Files on Netflix (streaming in HD on my Wii). I never knew how good this show really was. Don’t get me wrong. I knew it was good. I just never knew it was magnificent.

The director is a genius, pure and simple. Much of the show is just standard “point the camera at the action” shots, but once or twice every episode, there’s a shot that makes me say “wow. This guy is amazing.”

The storylines are as good as anything from B5 or DS9. From watching the first season and a half, I can’t even begin to imagine why this show isn’t still running. Every episode is engaging, gripping and worth watching. I’ve already skipped one episode, but only because I saw it so many times on TV. There are two other episodes that I’ve seen over and over again, but I won’t skip them when I get to them, because they are just that good.

I’ve read interviews where Chris Carter talks about “mythology episodes” that advance the plotlines of the show, versus other episodes that don’t. Personally, I haven’t come across an episode yet that didn’t have some bearing on the overall X-Files mythos.

I’m watching it right now, and… wow. I just can’t get enough of this show. This has got to be the one great show that Fox let run a good long time. The acting is well above par for TV sci-fi, which I credit mostly to the director, judging by the fact that I’ve never seen Gillian Anderson in anything else. Also some great guest actors and irregulars. For example, the iconic “smoking man” and the conspiracy theorist lone gunmen. Even the bounty hunter, who acts very little, is skillfully employed by writers and director to great effect.

I’m watching the whole series because I want to watch the recent movie, but I feel like I need the background. If you’ve never watched The X-Files from beginning to end, you must. This is, in my opinion, the very best of horror science fiction. It’s not super scary, but it’s got a certain visceral element of horror to it. If you are any kind of sci-fi fan, you will love it. You might not love every episode, but you will love the whole series.